Spiritual Survival Guide
5: Complicated Stuff
I pray that you pray. I pray that God will put other Christians in your path and that you can be there for others. I pray that you truly understand that you have been forgiven and that you nail your guilt to the cross. I pray that you will be able to oc- cupy the time spent lying awake in the dark with memories that make your heart glad. I pray that as a parent I was able to make enough happy memories for you to carry you through.
for you. I just don’t know how to help you accomplish that any- more. I pray for all of you boys, and so do many other people. I will just have to wait for God and the Holy Spirit to work. I want you to feel you have my support, but I don’t want you to feel like I can do anything to change your situation. You have not confided in us truthfully, and I cannot think of one time you asked us to help. We have tried to connect you with resources, but so far you have consumed them without seeming to get on to a suc- cessful track. Who knows where you would have been without them, however. I want you to feel that I will help you, but there is an element of self-preservation on my part, too. Aside from the financial carnage you can cause, there is the heartbreak each time you stumble. So while I want to hold out my arms to you, I cannot help you if I am also drowning. You are physically far from home. Other than providing outra- geously priced snacks, visits use vacation days, gasoline and en- ergy without changing anything. I want to be supportive, but I do not want to lessen the consequences of your choices. Quality time with your family has been available to you for years, but you have rarely taken advantage of that. Why? Is it fear of our judg- ment? Can’t stand the thought of another lecture? So I will endeavor to write more regularly. I will fill the pages with family news. I want you to know what everyone is doing, and what you could be doing, or will be invited to do again when you are available. I will not put my life on hold. That would be a waste of the time and gifts God has given. I will depend on other people to counsel you and I will pray for your maturity and your safety. I will try to send pictures regularly. I want you to be able to see us, and to share photos with your peers. I also want you to have a vision of yourself playing with your kids, traveling with us, working,
Don’t ever forget that you are my son; I will always love you.
From a Mother
While I am heart-broken that you are in prison, I am grateful that I know where you are, and that you are (hopefully) safe and can get some help. I grieve for your lost time and opportunities, while hoping that this time will set you on a positive path with a future. I want to be supportive, but I feel helpless. I am also still angry, and at the same time very sad. Each time you have had encounters with the legal system, it has been the result of doing things we counseled you over and over against. So there is anger and disappointment on our side, as well as shame. I’m sure there are many people who, fortunately, have not had these experiences and feel the parents are the ones who have failed their child by not providing enough proper teaching and discipline. It certainly haunts me. What if I had been a different personality, what if I worked less, what if we had been more strict, or more lenient, or moved to a different place, or . . . The list is endless. But in the end I can change nothing, and must let go of the what ifs and stop caring what anyone who has not been through this thinks. I love you, and always want good things
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