Spiritual Survival Guide
6: Keeping It Going: Moving Beyond Survival Mode
other. Gang friends will have your back, but their protection comes at a cost. That’s bad friendship. Bad friends lack patience and kindness. They envy and brag. They’re arrogant and self-serving; they set you up when it serves them. Bad friends look for reasons to break trust, and they don’t forget—or let you forget—when you slip up with them. Bad friends enjoy getting themselves—and you—into trouble, and they’ll cover their tracks even if you wind up having to pay for their bad behavior. You’ll know when a friendship is breaking bad when you don’t feel secure, don’t feel hopeful, don’t feel encouraged by how your “friend” is relating to you. Maybe that’s why the inmates we interviewed all said that one of the most important things to their spiritual survival was friendship with older inmates who looked after them. Older inmates may have less to prove. They may have learned from enough mistakes to know better. They may just be tired of false friends and looking for the real deal. In any case, almost every inmate we talked to said they were blessed by older men who treated them well and showed them the ropes without asking for anything in return. If you can find a friend like that, it’ll make keeping your head up a lot easier. You may even learn something. But at the very least, you’ll have a friend, which as the Bible says, is a good thing. Being a “work in progress.” Ask anyone, inside or outside prison, and if they’re honest, they’ll admit that some of their greatest frustrations and challenges come from dealing with themselves. We start each morn- ing with great hopes and expectations, but by the end of the day we find that we’ve let ourselves (and God) down once again. Sometimes it’s a case of willpower. Sometimes it’s a case of staying power. Sometimes it’s a case of dealing with those old demons in our lives that aren’t leaving without another big fight—all those thoughts
and fears that come rushing at us when the lights go out at night. It’s frustrating to realize that we’re still dealing with lots of the same of things that we were years before. The Lord tells us that we’re “under construction,” and that we’re a work in progress. In our heads we know that’s true—and it helps. But in our hearts, it’s frustrating. Sometimes we want to say, “Hurry up, Lord! Fin- ish this construction project in me. And quick!” The frustration and challenge isn’t only for ourselves. We may really be trying our best, but from a distance what others see in us is hypocrisy. That’s the real frustration. Melvin writes, It’s easier for Christians to hide outside; it’s much harder to be a Christian inside, because you’re on display in close quarters. When you’re a follower of Christ in prison, all eyes are on you. So, if you’re not going to open yourself to a person, then don’t give them the Christian message. God is the perfect example of the man you’re supposed to be, because you were made in his image. You’re always on mission. Melvin’s right. We’re on display, we’re talking the talk, we’re on a mis- sion—but we still have to deal with our lingering imperfections. We asked some of the guys what they’re still frustrated by in themselves. See if you can relate to what they’re saying:
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