Spiritual Survival Guide
6: Keeping It Going: Moving Beyond Survival Mode
When I first arrived in receiving, I couldn’t believe what my life had come to. I felt like a failure and couldn’t understand how a person who cared about his family and friends, who wanted to succeed in life, could wind up in prison. While in receiving I began to think of why my life had gone the way it had. The more I thought about it, the more angry I be- came. I wasn’t treated badly by family or friends, but why had God let me down? I’d asked him to help me and it seemed that all those prayers went unheard or unanswered. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. After all, isn’t God supposed to help people who ask for his help? I began to wonder if I had something to do with the way my life had gone. When I started to get honest with myself, I began to see that I’d lived a lifestyle with myself at the center. My needs and desires came before anyone else’s. I was forever worried about my pleasure. I used alcohol and drugs to cope with a world that I thought had somehow forgotten me. When I was able to really start getting honest, I began to see that I’d never given the straight world a chance. I’d always assumed that the people who put lots of time and energy into family, work, and school some- how didn’t want me around. I was pretty surprised to finally see that it was me who didn’t give the world a chance, not the other way around. After I realized this fact, I saw that I had an opportunity to either prepare myself for life or sink into my old negative attitudes. We all know that in prison we can stand around the deck talking about women, drugs, “the game,” or we can focus our energies on positive things. I asked God to help me work at building an at- titude towards life that worked. In prison I began to involve myself in AA and school. I stopped glamorizing drug and alcohol abuse.
Think About It. Talk About It.
1. What are those character defects that you know you have, but you still find hard to let go of? Are you at the stage where you’re willing to let God help you with that?
2. How hard would it be for you to make a list of the people you’ve damaged by what you’ve done or by what you’ve failed to do? Could you begin to repair the damage by offering others an apology, payback, evidence of a changed life, or their right to respond? 3. Are you ready to take the step of dedicating yourself to God and leading a changed life on a daily basis? 4. Does it feel exciting to think that God has a mission for you, that God can make you more Christ-like, and that God’s love might flow through you to help change another person’s life for the better? Does that inspire you to keep going to the next step? 5. As you look over the twleve steps to lasting change, what step are you at today? Do you feel ready and eager to move on to the next one?
From Where I Sit: Dan, Former Inmate
Dan was initially processed through the Northern Reception Center and then was sent to do his time in Lincoln Correctional in downstate Illinois. He wrote this longer reflection on surviving spiritually just days after his release. We thought it was worth sharing the whole thing with you.
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