Spiritual Survival Guide
6: Keeping It Going: Moving Beyond Survival Mode
I started to discover that the more energy I put into the positive, the more I could respect myself and the better I felt. Lots of times I’d get a bit discouraged. I’d think, “Well, now since I know better and want to be on a positive road, people like these guards should treat me with respect.” I found out that just be- cause I’m doing the right thing, it doesn’t mean that others will be on the same page. I also found out—and am constantly learning—that everything takes time and patience. It took me many years to mess up my life, and it’s going to take some time before people trust me. It’s going to take time and hard work to “get a life” that works on a healthy level. I found out that just like in the free world, I can make choices while I’m in prison that will positively affect my life. I would always hear other inmates say stuff like, “I act this way ‘cause I’m in prison and I can’t let people think I’m a punk.” When I have that kind of attitude, nothing is going to change. I need to rise above that prison atmosphere and do what I know to be right. At the end of the day, I have to live with myself and my ac- tions. At the end of the day I want to lie down with some peace and the knowledge that I really did my best today. There are so many ways to begin a new life in prison. Like I said, I started going to school and got involved in AA. I read my Bible. I stopped watching negative TV shows (my mind is already nega- tive enough from the lifestyle I lived). Another thing I decided to do was to not complain to my family or friends when I called home or wrote letters. They were worried enough about me without me telling them even more troublesome stuff on the phone. I stopped arguing with other inmates. When I’d hear a conversa- tion start to heat up, I’d get away from it. I stopped hanging out
with people who I knew weren’t ready for a positive change yet. I made a conscious decision to be one of those people we some- times meet in prison who are really trying to do the right things. Some of these things I did because I just knew they were the right way to new life, and some I learned in AA, from the Bible, or from other positive activities I was involved in. I don’t want to give anyone the idea that any of this came easily or naturally to me. It takes lots of practice, and I’ll be learning for the rest of my life. But as soon as I made the real decision to seriously change my life, I began to get the benefits. I saw lots of inmates act a certain way in church and another way on the deck. I made a commitment to myself to behave in a certain way whether I was alone in my cell, on the deck, in the chow hall, at church, or AA. I told myself, “This new life is for me—now, today! This isn’t some sneaky way to gain favor with God today so I can do what I want tomorrow. I need to make a clear choice in what I say, do, read, how I treat others—so I can be free!” I know all about the prisons of addiction, hate, fear, prejudice, and a life without purpose. I know all about the physical prison of the penitentiary. With the help of God I can begin to rise above these and be a new person with new hopes and dreams. I really can be one of those people that I’ve always been jealous of because they seem to “get along with life.” I no longer need to be an outsider just trying to survive. I can live in happiness and with purpose. It’s important that I have enough faith to believe the people around me who have gone before me. It’s important that I choose the right people to be around. Today I choose to be around people who are happy and getting a kick out of the important things in
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