Spiritual Survival Guide
3: Forgiveness
need forgiveness too. In the end, lots of us find it really hard to forgive ourselves because we stop at regret. Regret is like a tape playing deep inside us that keeps repeating, “What did I do? What did I do?” You might think that regret is healthy. And in a way, it can be. But here’s the thing: Regret can also be dangerous. In the Bible, the word literally means “thinking about again,” “caring about again,” “being anxious about again.” Regret means seeing and feeling the bitter results of sin over and over and over again. Regret actually short-circuits the process of real forgiveness. We talked earlier about how the heart of forgiveness is God’s permanent “taking away” and sending away of our sin from us. That means that failing to forgive ourselves is putting our sin back in orbit around ourselves so that it can continue to accuse us. And that’s exactly what regret does. Regret is us telling ourselves that we are the enemy that can’t be forgiv- en. Not fully. Regret is “putting back” what God has “taken away.” We need to stop regretting and start repenting. The Bible describes repentance as “godly sorrow,” a practical turnaround of heart and mind that leaves no regret. “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Cor- inthians 7:10). No regret. How about that as a motto for Christian living! The Bible tells us that it’s not our business to be judging ourselves or others any more, that it’s not our business to hurl sins back in orbit around them or around ourselves. That’s why the apostle Paul could say, “I don’t even judge myself” (1 Corinthians 4:3) and “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31). If God forgives us, who are we to undo what he has already done?
Why is forgiving ourselves so incredibly difficult for so many of us? Why does love’s toughest work get even tougher when we’re the cause of our own hurt? Maybe one reason is be- cause many of us don’t trust ourselves—and for good reason. We know how easy it is for us to justify and excuse ourselves. We know how easily and how often we sweep the rotten things we do under the carpet. And so we don’t trust an “inner judge” who says, “I forgive you. Smile, God loves you!” That just seems too easy, doesn’t it? And too phony. We find it hard to forgive ourselves because, as a general rule, most of us don’t like self- forgivers . And so instead we choose an inner judge who we think is more just, but who never lets us off the hook. We walk around with an inner judge hounding us with all the bad things we’ve done. This judge peeks out at us from the mirror, reminding us of the rotten things we did to other people, telling us that we’re worthless and unforgivable. On the other hand, some of us find it hard to forgive ourselves because we’re proud. Simple as that! We can’t find it in ourselves to forgive ourselves because we can’t really accept the fact that we aren’t perfect! “I, of all people, shouldn’t have done that awful thing!” In our pride we find it hard to accept the fact that we’re as bad as everybody else and that we
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