Spiritual Survival Guide
4: Shame
myself. I could let go of my resentments against other people. I did that all the time. That part seemed second nature, some- how. Ah, but when it came to letting go of my self-resentment— not so much. Let me tell you a story about what I think was going on. One gray November morning I had a summons to go to the Cook County Courthouse in Chicago to see if I had to serve on a jury. I went for the day because I had to. I’ll be honest, I really didn’t have the time or the inclination to be called to serve on a long trial. Or a short trial. So I was one happy guy when a bunch of us got a call over the loudspeakers saying, “Thank you, but the judge doesn’t need your services today. You’re free to go.” And those of us waiting all thought, Yes! Thank you, Lord! For me, that experience exactly mirrored what I needed to learn about forgiving myself. You see, for the longest time, I kept show- ing up day after day as my own judge and jury, rehearsing old ac- cusations, hearing new ones, putting up feeble defenses, judging myself, and assessing appropriate punishment. It was exhaust- ing. It was depressing. And, as it turned out, it was unnecessary. Because it was wrong. And here’s why: God’s Word had been telling me all along, about as loudly as you can imagine, “Thank you, Fred, but the Judge doesn’t need your services today.” I heard God say that, but my unkind, unforgiving, ungracious little inner judge kept showing up for service anyway. I couldn’t dismiss my inner judge until I medi- tated long and hard on something astounding that St. Paul said: “I do not even judge myself. . . . It is the Lord who judges me” (1 Corinthians 4:3-4).
me it meant that I don’t have to judge people, myself included. I don’t have the inclination. I don’t have the wisdom. I don’t have the standing. It’s just not my job. Period. And that means I’m free to go—no more boasting, no more blaming. No telling the real Judge how to do his job. I’m free to leave the inner courthouse in my mind and just get on with my life. Yes! Thank you, Lord! It’s hard to describe how freeing this is. It makes me want to share with anyone I can what it took me decades to say to myself with real conviction: Thank you, but the Judge doesn’t need your services today. Or tomorrow, either. You’re free to go, too. Okay, third step, third experience, and third key biblical truth that made all the difference for me on my way from shame to joy. It was the combination, over time, of knowing (a) that I’m loved more than I’ll ever know, (b) that I have nothing to prove or earn, (c) that I’m not the judge and that I’m free to get on with living. It was this trifecta of God’s grace that finally just allowed me to relax. Not relax in the sense of giving up or not trying anymore, but relax and be filled with the joy God had been wanting to give me all along. Relax in the sense of accepting (gratefully) that the Lord is God and I’m not.
Relax in the sense that life is a huge gift and it’s mine to enjoy.
Relax in the sense that I belong.
Relax in the sense that Paul meant it for me too when he said, “All things are yours . . . all are yours, and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God” (1 Corinthians 3:21-23).
Wow. Soak yourself in that verse. I did, and it changed me. For
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