Spiritual Survival Guide
4: Shame
Wherever your own shame stories began, whatever twists they’ve taken, and whatever dark and painful roads they’ve led you down, know this: God’s grace can and will redeem them all. God’s grace, his just-because love, his bottomless joy and accep- tance and pride in you—all of it—is in store for you. Not just for some of us. All of us. You. And not just some day. Now. Shame is on its way out. And God’s grace is on its way in. It’s irresistible. And it’s amazing. And it’s for you. As you read these words on your prison bunk, hear them loud and clear. They are meant for you, right here, right now: You are accepted.
2. Which of the following sources of shame have been the strongest in your life?
a. My family—they never gave me the love every kid deserves.
b. My peers—they made me feel weak, stupid or unwanted.
c. My church—they made me feel like I would never be good enough.
d. Our society—they make me compare myself to unattainable ideals.
e. My own thought process—I’m my own worst enemy by the way I keep shaming myself.
3. Discuss which of the following statements best lines up with how you understand yourself.
Think About It. Talk About It.
a. What I’ve done equals who I really am.
b. What I’ve done has nothing to do with the real me.
1. We only shame ourselves by the lies and half- truths we tell ourselves. Some of these self-decep- tions include things like
c. I have both an old sinful self and a new self in Christ within me.
4. What are you most struggling to accept deep down?
•
downplaying our positives
a. God is crazy about me and delights in me, just because.
•
exaggerating our flaws
b. I’m free to stop judging myself and just let God be the real judge of me and others. c. I can relax in my own skin in every circumstance because I belong to Christ and Christ belongs to God. d. I’m still every bit as acceptable to God even when I’m weak, rebellious, or hypocritical.
• insisting on judging ourselves by undefined or impossible ideals
• turning specific criticism of what we do into blanket judgments about who we are
• reading (projecting) our own shame onto other people’s minds
Do you recognize any of those characteristics in yourself? If so, do you think you can be on the lookout for these shame-prone tendencies in the future?
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