Spiritual Survival Guide
5: Complicated Stuff
ning to the gangs, saying, “I’m here!” Most of us were fatherless kids. And that lack of father leaves a wound inside us. We had been told that we were “the man of the house.” But we didn’t know the first thing about what it meant to be a man. We were just looking for acceptance. We were empty on the inside and we tried to fill that emptiness with the street life. I come from a functional family; though my father left our home, my mother took it upon herself to be our provider. But I was fascinated by the life of many around my neighborhood. I went to school and even graduated from high school and junior college. But the world was tugging at me real hard. I had great jobs, but my mom would say that I was a professional by day and a thug by night. I got introduced to the Rasone Spanish Cobras and started bid- ding their work. Got involved in drugs, both using and selling. Made a lot of money, but something was missing in my life. I allowed myself to be prostituted by the devil’s scheme, and now I find myself fifteen years incarcerated for a crime I’m innocent of. Just being part of something negative can drag you to the grave—or if you’re lucky enough, into jail. The tendency in here is like it is outside: to run to the gang say- ing, “I’m here!” I see it every day. And instead of taking a moment to gain some wisdom for once in your life, you find yourself talking some nonsense about what new snacks are in the commissary. You’re going to walk onto the deck looking to get hooked up, be- cause you fear the unexpected. You look around to see who you need to respect. Who’s done the most time? Who can make something happen?
One day the fullness of freedom will be ours. But not yet. For now we wait and groan together. For now it will have to be enough to hear God’s answer to each of us, “My grace is sufficient for you.” God’s grace is sufficient and amazing. And it’s for you—God’s man. Let the chains fall away.
Think About It. Talk About It.
1. Do you accept the idea that we’re all addicted to something, that our God-given desires have be- come attached to the wrong things? Have you ever struggled with addiction?
2. What are your favorite mind-games to keep your own addictive behavior going (denial, rationalizing, hiding, complicating things, managing things)? 3. Do you truly want to be free for God and others? Or do you still want to be free to pick and choose your addictions? 4. Do you honestly believe that God is powerful enough to help you detach from your addictive behavior and begin to reattach to him?
From Where I Sit: You, the Gangs, and God; Various Inmates, Stateville Prison
We sat down with Melvin, a former gang boss in Chicago, to share his experiences and his thoughts about how the gang life and Christian life look to him now.
I was a gang boss on the outside. And then in here I was a Unit
When we were young and aggressive we found ourselves run-
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