American Consequences - August 2020

From Editor in Chief P.J. O’Rourke

Now I’ll tell you what you’re thanking me for... I just read Joe Biden’s presidential campaign platform so you don’t have to. If you’re thinking, “Thanks anyway, but I’ll read it for myself,” think again... Joe has 43 exhaustively detailed platform planks. My print-out totaled 564 pages, and that’s not counting the pleas for campaign donations and campaign volunteers tacked onto the end of each document or the full text of “Joe’s Leadership During the COVID-19 Pandemic” that sends you down a rabbit hole of links to everything Joe has ever said about the coronavirus. I burned through an ink cartridge and wasted more than a reforestation’s worth of copy paper. (Joe has a plan for reforestation – Joe has a plan for everything .) I used up three pads of Post-it Notes, dried out four highlighter pens, and spent three days I’ll never get back reading and annotating Joe’s platform. In the middle of the second day, I had to lie down in a darkened room with a cold compress on my forehead.

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August 2020

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