Daily email
Dear Sober Queens,
There are multiple recommendations on line as to how to deal with our emotions in early sobriety which include. Walk away. If you’re angry and about to say something you’ll later regret, sometimes the best course of action is to simply walk away. Disengaging from the conflict will give you a chance to calm down and think clearly. Silence : This week something made me truly angry and upset for a vulnerable woman and rather than email or zoom or carpet bomb by email the ‘sober coach’ (an unregulated and unlicensed space) who coerced this lovely friend of mine, I have not said one single word. I chose to focus on the woman who deserves all that is good in life. AND she shall have it. And as for the ‘sober coach’ in question? Who is she? I have already forgotten her name. Distract yourself. Never underestimate the power of distraction to help you keep your emotions in control. YOUTUBE videos that make me smile or listening to a favourite song can be a great way to keep yourself from overreacting to a minor problem. Get moving. Exercise releases endorphins, which are the body’s “feel-good” chemicals. Exercise can also help distract you from your problems. Talk to someone you trust. My sober girlfriends are without question the greatest place to laugh, rant, rave, cry or talk with, who will listen without judgment. Talking about what’s bothering you can help you feel less alone during this difficult time.
“Managing feelings in recovery is an important step, because quitting alcohol often comes with a lot of powerful feelings. Abusing substances to cope makes it possible to avoid confronting emotions, but emotional sobriety can help you face and address them in a healthy, constructive way. Not only will this help keep you sober, but it will also help improve your mental well-being.” - Port St. Lucie Hospital
“It's not in you, it's on you," my grandmother used to say if I said I was sad and I didn't know what she meant because it felt like it was in me but I began to understand she was talking in English but from a Gaelic translation.
Sadness is on me. Joy is on me. Gratitude is on me.
Love is on me. Anger is on me.
The Connection Between Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior
“It's not in you, it's on you,"
"While you can’t control your feelings, you can control how you respond. Cognitive behavioural therapy explains the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviour as a “cognitive triangle” where each aspect is connected.
The full multitude of emotions hits us in sobriety. We are present feeling all the feels and at times that can be overwhelming and tough to navigate. It being my national holiday yesterday I found myself reflecting on how to wade my way through the treacle toffee of grief when in an instant it can hit you in the pit of your stomach. It's a song on the radio, a Spring plant that reminds me of my childhood, all of it comes without a warning call and it fleetingly grabs me from this world into some liminal space between a funeral and life feeling normal.
Thoughts create feelings. Feelings create behaviours. Behaviours create thoughts.
Understanding this connection can help you avoid making poor decisions that are driven by emotion. For example, if you’re feeling anxious after watching the news, it would be better to take a digital detox and step away from the source of your anxiety than to let your anxious thoughts spark a craving that can be hard to ignore." Port St. Lucie Hospital We learn as children from the adults around us and often the learning curve is not what it should be. The reality is that we learn as we observe adults in our world coping with different situations, be that anger or joy, sadness or elation, from an early age we are students of the teachers in our kitchen family classroom.
“It's not in you, it's on you,"
In sobriety, the term emotional regulation refers to the process of recognising and controlling your feelings or reactions to feelings. Emotions aren’t inherently good or bad, but how you respond to your emotions is crucial in keeping you on track with your recovery goals.
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