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This week Linda spoke about CODEPENDENTS at one of her
“We don't have to take things so personally. We take things to heart that we have no business taking to heart. For instance, saying “If you loved me you wouldn't drink” to an alcoholic makes as much sense as saying “If you loved me, you wouldn't cough” to someone who has pneumonia. Pneumonia victims will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. Alcoholics will drink until they get the same. When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don't love you—they are saying they don't love themselves.” ― Melody Beattie “Their entire focus was on someone or something other than themselves. Some of them had spent years of their lives doing this—worrying about, reacting to, and trying to control other human beings. They were shells, sometimes almost invisible shells, of people. Their energy was depleted— directed at someone else. They couldn't tell me what they were feeling and thinking because they didn't know. Their focus was not on themselves.” ― Melody Beattie In sobriety, as we find clarity and a sense of peace in our lives, we are stronger and more able to deal with these tendencies than we ever were with a bottle in our hand. This morning, be grateful for the clarity, embrace it and see are you being co-dependent in your behaviours and if you are, take a breath. It can be worked on and remember...
Melody Beattie writes: “Codependents make great employees. They don't complain; they do more than their share; they do whatever is asked of them; they please people; and they try to do their work perfectly—at least for a while until they become angry and resentful.” She also concludes : “Many codependents, at some time in their lives, were true victims—of someone's abuse, neglect, abandonment, alcoholism, or any number of situations that can victimise people. We were, at some time, truly helpless to protect ourselves or solve our problems. Something came our way, something we didn't ask for, and it hurt us terribly. That is sad, truly sad. But an even sadder fact is that many of us codependents began to see ourselves as victims. Our painful history repeats itself. As caretakers, we allow people to victimise us, and we participate in our victimisation by perpetually rescuing people. Rescuing or caretaking is not an act of love.” Melody also outlines, “Ever since people first existed, they have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn't help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting people's feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn't have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn't believe they deserved silk.”
Inability to reach even the most basic of decisions, as why can they be any other way, as you drink hazardously. Relationships are often co- dependent as why can they be any other, as you drink hazardously. You over-work because you are a people-pleaser and drink so hazardously, you can't see that. You suffer from guilt or anxiety which can lead to depression. Often tired because of cramming 'your' needs around those of others. You are a permanent victim in life as to why can they be any other mode of living, as you drink hazardously. Classic passive-aggressive behaviour. You suffer from an identity crisis on an ongoing basis, as you drink hazardously. meetings and it was the second time in weeks it came into view. Melody Beattie writes about it in her book: “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.” For over a decade I looked like I was fierce, I even sounded fierce, but the reality was my secret kitchen wine escapades meant I had no self- respect, wouldn't have recognised co-dependency in a line-up, and would haven't known a boundary unless it fenced a field and there were cows in it. Being the 'no bother queen' meant that I constantly put myself in knots doing things that were both unnecessary and hugely stressful. I was lost in some shame cycle over wine o'clock, in general terms it can lead to the following clusterf*ck :
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