Confessions of a payroll manager – From shoes to payroll
Another episode in a series of occasional yet insightful / inciteful, anonymous and whimsical reports revealing the arcane, weird and sometimes torturous world of payroll frequented by payroll professionals. I t’s been a long time since I stepped foot in a school. Unlike many people who reminisce about their school days like they were a time of endless carefree japes with ‘lashings of ginger beer’, I was never a fan because I was something of a loner and never felt it really helped me decide what I wanted to be. I remember taking a computerised multiple-choice questionnaire meant to identify what career you should aim for. The darn computer spat-out ‘shoe designer’ so my faith in the school’s career advice (and computers) was badly dented. Anyway, last week I re-entered the gates of Barkleydale Secondary for the first time in 24 years, and thankfully this time I wasn’t alone. Mr Crumbitt had sent myself, the lovely Jace and the sometimes way too energetic and ‘dancey’ employee engagement officer Stevie to the annual careers fair proving that their careers advice had vastly improved. When we arrived Mr Crumbitt was delivering a speech to the year-tens entitled ‘Breaking the biscuit – the Crumbitt success story’. Though there were murmurings about not bothering to go from other departments, frankly, I’m tired of payroll careers never being discussed at schools and job fairs where it’s always “HR this” and “Finance that”. If someone had told me at school about payroll (instead of footwear creation) I could have saved years of waitressing, retail, accounting,
farming (yes), and gone straight to my passion. It should’ve been a no-brainer for any careers advisor to suggest payroll to me: attention to deadlines (Christmas cards are prepared in October), and accuracy (personal bank statements are reconciled every month). And I make a really cracking cup of tea. Jace and Stevie had made an impressive stand. Most exciting was an interactive timesheet-to-payslip feature where the children could change their working hours to see how pay was calculated and included a section for entering different deductions like pensions and health schemes to see the impact on take-home pay. Nearly as exciting (for the kids, at least) was the dispensing of a Crumbitt’s chocolate crinkle cream every time a multiple-choice question was answered correctly, involving Stevie crouching behind the board and releasing a biscuit and shouting “Ping!” when Jace said “that’s right”. It was odd standing in my old school hall and remembering how different I was to the (mostly) confident leader I’ve become. Who’d have thought I could handle the pressures and challenges of payroll: difficult customers, HMRC audits, auto-enrolment, real time information? Well, certainly not that ‘careers software’ on the BBC Acorn computer. When the fair opened Jace appeared to regress a few years – well, he was one of them only a few short years ago – and he started to speak in an odd way which involved flicking his hands about and finishing every sentence with “innit?”. I could see the whole thing was an eye opener for the children who finally realised
that the salary amounts they saw on job adverts wasn’t taken home. We spoke to a lot of people who had never even heard or thought of a career in payroll but at the end were genuinely keen to find out more from the careers service. I was also proud (and quite moved) to hear Jace talking so passionately about his role and how much he enjoyed his days in the payroll department. When Mr Crumbitt finished his speech, more children come to us to find out how they could get a job working with “the awesome cookie man”. I’m sure the fact they were all stuffed with complimentary cookies didn’t have anything to do with it. It felt like a school day by the end as we were all exhausted. However, the stand had been a massive hit (even though Stevie was in a bit of a mood because one of the kids had figured out how the cookies were being dispensed and had run off with the last of the crinkle creams). One of the best things that came from the day was Mrs Pettitt, the careers advisor at the school asking us to join their work experience team. On reflection I think that payroll and reward genuinely does offer wonderful ever-changing, fast-paced career opportunities. I just hope that doing things like this will one day influence somebody to join the profession who may never have done so without us waving a flag. ❏ The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | March 2018 | Issue 38 52
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