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disappeared? Overtime calculations have gone awry? Emotions will be running platform-stiletto- high. While Love Islanders are sobbing over a bitchy spat, payroll pros COMMISSION CALL ME NOW!!!” or “WHERE IS MY MONEY???” A single payroll error can throw as big a spanner in the works as Casa Amor, only it’s P60s and pension contributions doing their heads in rather than Zac or Zak. However, payroll pros are a delightful lot, and a simple conversation can smooth out the very worst of are fielding urgent emails with subject lines like: “MISSING snafus. Ask them nicely and they’ll go above and In the villa, cameras are inescapable, buzzing like mosquitoes as they twist and zoom to catch every flirtation and resentment. Payroll professionals might not have surveillance on them 24/7, but they’re beyond every time. In the Know
your move too soon, and you could be branded thirsty, so it can seem like the best thing is to hang back. But weigh up your options for that little bit too long, and it’s game over. Someone else flashes a cheeky grin at the object of your affection, and before you can say Turkey teeth, you’re stuck as a single Pringle. Disaster! Payroll is no different. Deadlines loom like an elimination ceremony. Payroll is an information- hungry process; you need to wait until all the relevant data has been submitted before you can hit send. But you can’t wait too long or you’ll miss the cut-off date, and chaos ensues. People’s pay is late, angry emails descend, managers panic, and, just like on the island, one wrong move has put you on everyone’s radar. And not in a good way. In the same way some Islanders can stay under the radar until they hook up with the wrong person or cock up a challenge,
payroll professionals can happily operate in the background until something goes wrong and they are thrust into the spotlight. Suddenly, everyone knows your name; it’s the professional equivalent of being trashed on TikTok. Luckily, no one is calmer in a crisis than someone who paid an entire company through the shifting sands of lockdown. Drama Llamas We may like to think that the supercharged atmosphere of the villa is the only place where people could be provoked to showers of tears, stampy feet and shouting, yet the reality is that drama llamas take the odd gallop through payroll departments too. Payroll might seem chill on the surface (we’re notoriously good at paddling like mad while remaining serene), but the drama is real. Someone’s tax code changed, and they’ve been underpaid this month? A promised bonus has mysteriously
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GLOBAL PAYROLL MAGAZINE ISSUE 13
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