Hola Sober Morning Reflection
by Susan Christina
Dear Sober Queens, I have ‘good’ China cups from when my mother spent three months with us in 2018. She would only ever drink her tea out of a pot and only from a china cup. My mother used to put her head in her hands laughing when I would arrive with my tea in a builder's style mug and say "Where did I get you? Go get a china cup." I didn't but I loved she kept her standards in place even in the early stages of dementia. I love these China cups and saucers and my husband still uses his one for his morning coffee, and when one didn't survive the dishwasher assault recently and chipped. I was upset. I know it's just a cup but to me, it was my Mam's cup and saucer and so they are a special set. I was annoyed at myself for not putting them away in the cabinet to only use on high days and holidays but could she tell me, that life is short and staring at your nice cups through the glass of the china cabinet is not living. It's mothballing the lovely things we should enjoy. Despite the chip, I knew I could repair it and use it as a flower vase as I doubt it would survive another cup of scalding tea without it splitting on all sides!! Kintsugi…( 金 継 ぎ ) Meaning “joining with gold”, this centuries-old art is more than an aesthetic. For the Japanese, it's part of a broader philosophy of embracing the beauty of human flaws. “When you break something, is your first impulse to throw it away? Or do you repair it but feel a sense of sadness because it is no longer "perfect"? Whatever the case, you might want to consider the way the Japanese treated the items used in their tea ceremony. Even though they were made from the simplest materials... these teacups and bowls were revered for their plain lines and spiritual qualities.
They were treated with the utmost care, integrity, and respect. For this reason, a cup from the tea ceremony was rarely broken. When an accident did occur and a cup was broken, there were certain instances in which the cup was repaired with gold. Rather than trying to restore it, they would cover the glaze that it had been broken, and the cracks were celebrated in a bold and spirited way. The thin paths of shining gold completely encircled the ceramic cup, announcing to the world that the cup was broken and repaired and vulnerable to change. And in this way, its value was even further enhanced.”- Gary Thorp - My drinking smashed me into tiny little pieces that nobody could see but were splintered throughout my head and heart. I was in a thousand colliding pieces the morning I went into Kate's class. Now I know that by showing up for myself I started the sober art form of piecing myself back together again. I now embrace my history including my challenges in the past as inherent to the person I have become. I know in my heart and soul that the knocks and breaks I suffered have allowed me to develop resilience, strength, and confidence in my own judgment and authenticity. While I would never wish anyone to have our ‘thing’, I have repeatedly witnessed in both my own life and in the lives of other sober warriors much like the ceramic pieces repaired with Kintsugi, that we can emerge as different but better, through the very process of overcoming our addiction. Breaking into pieces is not pleasant but when we find our inner knowing and the courage to address what is destroying our very core, we can piece ourselves back with sober gold moments and brave kind people, leading to peace and an inner tranquility that evades so very much of us in the drinking years. It is there for the taking of every woman on this journey. Please join me in the sober dawn chorus as we say not today lady, not today.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
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