By the same token, we often perceive ourselves as incapable of change because we have always been a certain type of person; reliable, outgoing, ostentatious, shy, fearful, kind, and empathetic. We create a stereotype of who we think we are and do our best to fit that “mold”. But is that our authentic self? Or is that the self we were told to be? Or who society thinks we should be? Or the self we created to avoid conflict; to stay safe? In sobriety, I began to be my internal tailor. Seeing myself anew to explore changing my perception of who and what I had become. Taking new measurements every day in a search for my authentic self. And it required taking a lot of new measurements. Each day I learned something new about myself. Eventually, when I peered into the mirror, a different person looked back. I could see it. I could feel it. To me it was obvious. My perception of myself changed. But to those around me, it was frustrating, confusing, and even threatening. I had changed and I was not reacting predictably. They were expecting me to fit them, and I was rebelling. When we know we have changed, but people continue to act as if nothing is different, it can be defeating and make us question if we have gone very far at all. In addition, the people closest to us often don’t want things to change. They are used to us as we were - predictable. Even if they argued with us or were concerned about how we behaved or could see that our actions and our addiction w
were hurting others; predictability was preferable to change. When our internal reality does not match the way we are perceived, it makes our resolve start to falter. Perception and how we view the world is one of the key tenets of yoga. It is important to become aware of your thoughts so you can notice when your perception of yourself may be falling prey to the perception others have of you. The box they are trying to keep you in and their desire to make you fit them. The entire outside world is based on your internal thoughts and mental attitude. The entire world is your own projection. According to the Yoga Sutras, “As the mind, so the person; bondage or liberation are in your own mind. If you feel bound, you are bound; if you feel liberated, you are liberated. Things outside neither bind nor liberate you; only your attitude towards them does that.” I am certain that the boy seeing a stranger that suddenly became “father” took some time. His whole world changed not just his perception of one person. Sobriety can be like that, especially for those around us. We were this person and now we are someone else. We need to cultivate patience and give those we love, and ourselves, a second to catch up. And not let internal or external fear of change keep us from taking the measurements needed to keep moving forward. With a gentle reminder everyday that your view of the world can and does change with how you see it, not how others see you.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
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