How Being Open to Growth Leads to Success
The Power of ‘Mindset’
For decades, Dr. Carol S. Dweck studied the phenomena of success. How is it that some people are able to grow their business, stay fit, or achieve their personal goals while others in similar situations stall out? “Mindset” is Dr. Dweck’s answer to this question. Subtitled “The New Psychology of Success,” this book chronicles the Stanford psychologist’s findings, which suggest an inseparable link between belief and achievement. According to Dr. Dweck, people tend to think about the challenges in front of them in one of two ways. They either have a “fixed” mindset — believing that their talents and abilities are static, intrinsic properties of who they
If you’ve ever said “I’m just not good at math” or “I’m not a natural leader,” you’ve fallen into the fixed mindset trap. If you believe there’s nothing you can do to change your circumstances, you’ll never strive to improve them. The same is true of positive fixed opinions of yourself. Dr. Dweck points out that those who believe themselves to be “a great boss” or “an amazing athlete” are also doing themselves a disservice. Once you think your skills are tied to who you are as a person, you’ll avoid challenging them for fear they might be found wanting. This leads your talents to atrophy as you seek detours rather than facing challenges head-on. Dr. Dweck argues that, instead of falling victim to the pessimism and self-delusion that defines fixed mindset thinking, we need to recognize that the path to success lies in open-minded perseverance. “A person’s true potential is unknown (and unknowable),” she says. “It’s impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil, and training.” Not only does “Mindset” drive this point home with well- documented experiments and studies, but it also provides a workshop to help people break free of their fixed mindset and find success.
are — or a “growth” mindset — believing they can improve every aspect of themselves with practice and perseverance. Those who approach life’s hurdles as an opportunity for growth are the ones who find long-term success.
A Dirty Little Secret
A QDRO CONVERSATION
“I feel the same way,” he assured her. “I’ve often thought that QDROs are God’s curse on divorce lawyers. I always hesitate whenever I take on a new case with a retirement. It makes me uncomfortable.”
Her cellphone was glued to her ear when I first noticed her.
“I don’t knowwhat to do!” she said. “Find out! Call someone!”
Finally, she gave up with a sigh, saying, “Do the best you can. I’ll be back in the office on Friday.”
I wasn’t eavesdropping. She was no more than 5 feet away, and everyone within 50 feet heard her.
“God, I hate QDROs.” There, she said it, finally finding the voice to admit how she really felt. I could tell that it bubbled up from somewhere deep inside her. I think she said it before she even realized what she was saying. Her catharsis was immediate. You could see it by the look on her face, the straightening of her shoulders, and her relaxed breathing. The older gentleman saw it, too. With a sigh of relief, he admitted “Honestly, you’re not alone. I know half the lawyers at this seminar. Every single one of them hates QDROs just like you and just like me. I wish it wasn’t such a dirty little secret.”
We were stranded in a sea of divorce lawyers. I didn’t count them, but there were at least 500 of us outside that meeting room — maybe more — and the lobby was clearly designed for no more than 300. Oxygen was sparse. Good cheer even sparser. We were plowing through day three of a four-day seminar, and we all needed coffee at the midmorning break.
I watched out of the corner of my eye as she pocketed her phone, and the older gentleman next to her leaned in with a calming voice.
“It never fails, does it? Every time we go to a family law seminar, something blows up back home.”
“I just want to scream,” she said half to him and half to herself. “This is the third time they’ve rejected my QDRO. I don’t understand what they want. The judge said she gets half. What’s so hard about that? Why don’t they just give her half?”
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