Walking across the stage or going out with friends one more time seems so trivial at a time when we have witnessed some of this country’s deepest flaws bubble to the surface. Every day, we have watched the death toll rise as our hopes and spirits fall further. I still cannot help but feel heartbroken. But while it is so much easier to feel defeated and dwell on spending my 21st birthday in quarantine, I want to remember this year much differently. I want to feel proud for reframing a situation that seemed impossible to tackle. 2020, you have invoked a vast range of emotions in me. From the girl who never knew how to slow down, I realize I have a lot to say thank you for. Even though you were not formally invited, I have found there to be a good side to you. You have challenged me to wake up in the middle of the night and find peace in the stillness. I am never going to determine how or why certain things happen, or be able to ensure my future is faultless. Rather than searching for the answers, I have learned how to find pleasure within the unknown. I have learned to accept there will be days that are far from clean- cut, weeks that will not make sense, and months where I do not have control. That is okay. 2020 you were an overdue lesson rather than a beautiful story. You were not the year I wanted, but you were the year I needed. You were so painful and forced me to grow in ways I never thought possible. You showed me how to embrace the person I am becoming, and how to find happiness in the little things. I started to look forward to bike riding in 40-degree weather, strenuous at- home workouts, failed TikTok recipes, dressing up to go to the grocery store, binge-watching Netflix series with my family and being okay with being alone. You allowed me to reintroduce myself to my potential and helped me find my worth. You reminded me what I am truly passionate about. Most importantly, you taught me that happiness can be found in small, quiet and unplanned moments. In late-night games of Monopoly, I found childlike contentment. In talkative family dinners, I found an unbreakable connection. In the quiet space within my head, I found a person I was proud of. To let life happen is to relinquish control—to step back and accept what is. 2020, this is my official goodbye. When I originally reflected back on you, my mind automatically went to the negative. When I thought more deeply about my time with you, I was reminded of what it means to be present. It’s not just about physically being in a setting or place, but slowing down and being present within myself. In the midst of overscheduling every aspect of my once thoroughly organized life, I had lost sight of the things that truly mattered. Endings are something I feared the most; but I am ready to let go. Although the unknown is daunting, there is also something exciting and alluring about it. I now know I am never going to perfect my life, because it is something that was never meant to be perfected. Thank you 2020, for giving me the gift that I can open every day for the rest of my life. 2021, I am all yours, and I am leaving more open spaces in my calendar.
All the best,
26
Measure Magazine
Made with FlippingBook - Online magazine maker