Henry's Pirate Stories
Henry's Pirate Stories By EMMETT & FELIX LYNCH
Dedicated to Tuck & Henry
Pub and Shanty Shack
nothing to doooo.
Henry (jumping with excitement): I get it, Tuck. It’s a slow day for adventures at the house. I can tell you another one of my AMAZING SUPER AWESOME SEA PIRATE STORIES!
Tuck: *sigh* OK, go ahead.
Henry: Soooo, one day I was putting down the anchor at the The Magical Lobster’s Sea Pub and Shanty Shack. They had these great dinner specials that I’d try to catch every time I was sailing my pirate ship off the coast of Ecuador. Anyway, I went in and there, right before my very eyes, was the AMAZING, MAGNIFICENT, the ASTONISHING, THE STUNNING! chuck.
my life led to this moment, with this dog, me endless sea pirate stories? When will I my karmic debt? TONIS- ET TO THE POINT. Hey dude, I don’t think you have any place ght now – am I right? As I was saying, was the greatest pirate I had ever seen than myself, of course), and MY BEST
you’re reading this).
Narrator: Anyway…
Tuck: I mean, was it something I did in a past life? Why me? What did I do! Henry: We said Hi , and I sat down on the sea pub stool next to him and asked him, what’s up ? I was just trying to strike up a conversation, you know, but then he said that HE needed MY HELP to find some treasure buried in some big hole in the ground. You should have seen how fired up he was about it! Also, before I forget, this day happened to be…SEA SHANTY KARAOKE NIGHT!! Tuck: Really, please make it stop! Why does this happen to me! Always me! I hope Blaze doesn’t do this to Coco. (Their doggy friends)
Sinkhole
routine while we wait for you!
chuck: All right, Tim! Go scout out the sinkhole for us. Henry and I will hang back here on the ship and wait for you to find the hole. Tim: Okay, Chuck. Righty ho, Mate. I’d love to have your company while I scout, but I respect your wishes, Boss. What are you two going to do on the ship while I’m gone?
n: Just try to get back to us quickly – last e did this we had made 20 different karaoke s together by the time you got back! otcha, friend. Step on it. Okay, I’m gonna go fast now. or: Tim is exiting the ship, dear reader, gh he is moving so slowly, it appears that he moving in reverse.
Wrong way, Tim, go forward please…
h dear, boss! Sorry about that! Going forward
or: Alright, reader, we seem to be making rogress here. Tim is now putting one foot rrry sloooooooowly) in front of the other.
walk in the fresh air. What a beautiful place… the trees are so tall, and the way the branches sway in the breeze… it’s truly a sight to behold.
chuck: Will you please just hurry up! We have finished five sea shanty karaoke routines already!
Tim: Righty-o, boss. You said I’m looking for a hole, right? I think I might have something here…
need to talk about songs. I know that sometimes we don’t see eye to eye on these things… chuck: Of course, we always agree on songs we like! I know we both like Katy Perry, for instance. Henry: (disgusted) Absolutely not. Katy Perry is terrible and her music should never be played at The Magical Lobster’s Sea Pub and Shanty Shack. chuck: *gasp* WHAT DID YOU SAY? Sorry, I just raised my voice a little there, but WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??? IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU?! (starts singing Katy Perry song) Henry: (plugging his doggy ears) NO, chuck, please STOP! WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS VILE SONG? La. La. La. La. La. I can’t hear you, sorry mate. La. La. La. La. La.
Penguin Pirate Alliance: Is everything OK down there?
XCEPT FOR Henry’s BRAIN – it seems to be NCTIONING.
n Pirate Alliance shuts the door to the hull)
OK first of all, Katy Perry is good because I am MAZING, MAGNIFICENT, the ASTONISHING, UNNING! chuck. And fourth of all, I said so. And f all, you are wrong and I am right. But I said that she is bad, and you are wrong. a great pirate, chuck, but your musical taste is dous and you can’t even count. So yea, I am right e I am right. How about we “compromise” and we sh au chocolat ? I think that song is really good! e got to do this fast so I can get to my shipping old you about my side hustle shipping shipping ght?
Sink Hole?
hole. That’s what you wanted, right?
chuck: YES YES YES YES YES! GIVE ME MY tReASuRE, my esteemed tortoise pirate friend. OoOOoOHh, I forgot I was on a boat… Henry: Whoa there watch your step there, I mean watch your schlep there. chuck: Yes, I am cOmInG. JusT WaIT ONe sEcOnd. TIM, GET TO YOR DIGGIN! Narrator: The Penguin Pirate Alliance is hurriedly building a bridge from the ship to the shore, as chuck, the marine iguana, prefers not to get wet.
Tim: YES SIR!
Henry: You really think that Tim is the best for the job? You know, in all honesty, I could teach you some things about DIGGIN. Not trying to brag or anything but I’ve
Oh really, ALL MIGHTY HENRY, tEAOOOO h teach us the ways of the big schnozz. By all
All right, you all come over here , I said.
Uh huh. Go on, Henry. Oh yeah, I am still here for this OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY to be ill it ever end?! Shush, Tuck. Just sit and listen to my icently crafted TALE OF YE PIRATE. Anyway I ll right, you all come over here so I can show you ou dig like a real dog. or: After a painfully long explanation of how to our feet so you can dig with the most optimal
DIGGIN.
Tim: I dunno, Boss. I’m having some doubts here. I mean, there can’t possibly be treasure in this huge hole. I mean like, how likely is it for me to just put my feet in RIGHT HERE and- *bonk* OWWW MY BIIIIG TOE! WHYYY MEE.
chuck (shaking with excitement): OH MY goodness! OPEN THE BOX! EVERYONE COME HERE!
Sink Hole (continued)
at this point) By the way Tuck, I just want to make sure you’re picturing this clearly. This treasure that Tim the Tortoise Pirate just happened to stub his toe on was the treasure of the great Pomeranian labradoodle bichonfrise shihpoo frenchbulldog pomsky dachund poodle goldendoodle cockerspaniel golden retriver germanshepard bulldog beagle rottweiler van pembrokewelshcorgie boxer cavalierkingcharelsspaniel be rniesemountaindog miniatureamericanshepard the 531st, who happens to be my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather’s uncle’s former roommate’s great grandmother’s aunt’s grandfather! Tuck: WILL THIS EVER END?! (Tuck buries her head) Please, if anyone’s listening, if you make it stop, I promise I will never, ever complain about being bored again. I will
t dog this world has ever seen — please! Just stop
Tuck.
Tuck: What question?
Henry: The QUESTION! WHAT’S IN THE BOX?
Tuck: I’d prefer not to.
Henry: Please??
Tuck: no.
Henry: Pretty please??
Tuck: NO.
Henry: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasseeeeeeeee??
Tuck: I SAID NO.
Henry: Come on… play along with me!!!
I’ll get to that, Tuck, don’t rush me. Now where e……..
oh right! We found anian labradoodle bichonfrise shihpoo frenchbulld ky dachund poodle goldendoodle cockerspaniel go triver germanshepard bulldog beagle rottweiler van kewelshcorgie boxer cavalierkingcharelsspaniel b emountaindog miniatureamericanshepard the treasure!!! It was a state of the art free shipping ats included no random fees brand new Outward Brick Puzzle Game Dog Toy.
Wait, seriously?
Henry: Would I lie to you, Tuck?
Tuck: *cough*yes*cough* Anyway, WHERE IS IT, Henry. Henry: OK, getting back to the story… we took the state of the art free shipping dog treats included no random fees brand new Outward Hound Brick Puzzle Game Dog Toy and ran to the ship as fast as possible. chuck almost fell off the deck, but aside from that, we were looking good. We put the box below deck to keep it nice and safe, and AWAY FROM ANY PESKY state of the art free shipping dog treats included no random fees brand new Outward Hound Brick Puzzle Game Dog Toy STEALERS . AHEM, anyway we-
Tuck: Oh Henry, Oh Henry, Why do thy keep such a
Tuck: And where’d you go?
Henry: Well, Tuck, if you remember from the fir… I mean, earlier in the story, I mentioned THE MAGICAL LOBSTER’S SEA PUB AND SHANTY SHACK. For, of course, none other than KaRaoKe nIgHT!! We had our routine ready to go. Pop quiz, Tuck – what song were we performing? Hint: It’s French. Tuck: I know, this story is SOOOOOO INTERESTING but I would very much appreciate it if you KINDLY told me WHERE “IT” IS, and I think it’s Katy Perry’s hit song, Firework ?
THAT NAME IN FRONT OF ME EVER AGAIN. ………..................... . . . . . . ..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …Narrator: And then, Tuck woke up, on March 28th 2023, at precisely 6:30 AM. She couldn’t quite figure out why she was craving fish and chocolate. Tuck: Whoa. Anyway, ugh Henry! I am sooo bored today — I have, like, nothing to doooo.
Ian Gentzke, founder of The CCC Project - a highly personalized, radically collaborative arts and humanities education platform for creative youth. Creativity, curiosity, and community are the values at the core of all of our work. To learn more about us, please visit www.cccproject.space.
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