Be a Better Listener for Someone Who Needs to ‘Get It All Out’
It’s not always easy to share feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions — but it’s healthy to share them. Sometimes, we need to vent and get it all out. Venting gives us an opportunity to release these emotions, which often leads to mental clarity.
Billikopf also notes that, as a listener, it’s important to avoid interjecting. Don’t offer input, suggestions, or guidance to the person venting until after the person has had the chance to get it all out. “During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives,” Billikopf says.
However, when someone comes to you to vent and share their heavy emotional burden, listening can be just as challenging as sharing. You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to interfere. Strong feelings and tough situations may be involved. What can you do to be the listener they really need? It starts with your body language. Open yourself to their emotional needs. Gregorio Billikopf, an interpersonal relationship expert at the University of California, Berkeley says if you begin the conversation standing, invite the person to have a seat with you.
While you don’t want to interject, you do want to be an active listener. This means you don’t want to be completely silent. This is where “reflective listening” comes in. Occasionally repeat what the speaker says — but don’t use their exact phrasing. Reword slightly in a sympathetic manner. Don’t spin their words or mistakenly interject an opinion, as it may not be the opinion they’re interested in hearing. Alternatively, listening cues like “mm” or “hm” and nods are always welcome.
One last thing to keep in mind: You do not need to offer a solution to the person’s problem or concerns. They may just be venting to get their negative emotions out, not looking for answers or explanations. If they are looking for answers or guidance, wait for them to ask. In the meantime, lend your ear and let them know you’re there for them going forward.
Another thing you can do as a listener is position yourself below their eye line. This puts the person venting in a more active “storyteller” position and you in a better “listener” position. While in this position, maintain eye contact. It’s okay to look down or away occasionally, but try to keep steady eye contact.
3 Laws Named After People THAT ALL AMERICANS SHOULD KNOW Perusing a list of federal laws may read like a yearbook of crime history. Bills introduced in Congress are often named after the victims of horrific crimes, greed, and exploitation to honor those victims. Below are three such laws. Each has made a lasting impression on society and culture. The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act was signed in 2006 — 25 years after 6-year-old Adam Walsh was abducted from a Florida shopping mall. Adam’s body was found 16 days later, and his father’s reaction to his son’s horrific death impacted generations of victims. His father, John Walsh, went on to create the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and hosted the popular TV show “America’s Most Wanted” for 23 years. The act created a three-tiered categorization for sex offenders, designated requirements for registering as a sex offender, and included a provision that requires offenders to report their whereabouts. The Muhammad Ali Boxing Reform Act Boxing is a tradition that stretches back to the early Egyptians, but it wasn’t until 1999 that Congress took action to protect these heavyweight fighters from greed and exhaustion. The Muhammad Ali Boxing Reform Act — known as the Ali Act — sought to protect boxers from promoters who took advantage of sports bets to make a quick buck. Experts identified many
unethical business practices that put boxers in danger and stripped them of their rights to payment. The act was signed into law on May 26, 2000. Though it bears the name of famed boxer Muhammad Ali, there are no explicit ties to him, but the boxer did fervently support the bill in Congress. Kari’s Law In 2013, Kari Hunt Dunn was killed by her estranged husband in a hotel room in Texas. Her daughter, who witnessed the event, knew to call 911 but was unaware that she had to dial 9 first to make an outbound call. Kari’s parents sought to change that by advocating for Kari’s Law, which was introduced in the Texas legislature in 2015. The law was signed into effect nationwide in 2018. It mandates that hotels, businesses, and other multi-line phone operating systems can no longer require dialing a 9, or any other number, prior to making a 911 call.
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