WHEN TALKING HELPS Counsellor Wiremu Gray walks the talk
In his 16-year career as a counsellor, there is not much that startles Wiremu Gray. He has heard a lot but, as a professional, it remains in the confidential space in his mind, allowing him to proceed with the necessary help.
He says what people often don’t focus on, is the wins they have. “Sometimes we’re only looking at the major outcome – missing the final goal, for example. “The small wins need to be recognised and celebrated too, not only the big stuff. It’s too easy for the small wins to be lost or seen as inconsequential.” As a coach and a parent of teenagers himself, Wiremu says it is good for young people to set high goals and to aspire to be their best, or to strive to achieve excellence. “But part of that is about failing. You’ve got to be okay with that, and know it’s part of the process to success. We need to keep self- identity in mind and see that a prolonged bad self-image can lead to poor mental health.” His door is open to boys, parents, to staff and families, and he spreads word of his work through existing programmes, such as the school’s Centre for Wellbeing and Positive Education, Immerse & Inspire (for Year 10 boys), and in Health classes on peer relationships and decision making. He will work with staff on tools for health and wellbeing later in the year.
Referrals for counselling generally come as self-referrals, from students themselves, from other students, teachers, or Housemasters. “I think the thing to remember is that it’s healthy to talk about things that are worrying us; it’s not healthy to keep something to ourselves to the point that it becomes problematic.” Wiremu says there is a wide raft of concerns – from worries about examinations and school pressure, to family and relationship concerns; from future decisions and careers, to emotional control and anger management.
Wiremu moved to Christ’s College at the beginning of Term 2 and it has taken barely a term for him to notice some real differences about the young men on our campus. “I picked up straight away a good sense of self and a good degree of emotional sense. The boys here exhibit a depth of understanding that is a real credit to the programmes already in place here and to such things as positive role modelling from staff and parents.” He has also pinpointed his biggest worry as being around the high performance programmes – whether in academic or in sport – and the expectations they might place on some boys. “What we have to do is be okay with our kids failing from time to time. FAIL – First Attempt In Learning. If kids don’t experience failing and accept failure as a normal part of life, what will happen when they fail all of a sudden later in life as adults? It can have a huge negative impact on a person’s mental health and wellbeing. It’s about how quickly we bounce back from failure, and pick up the challenges again – that’s what’s important. It’s about what the school and parents can do to help, and recognition that too many high expectations can be counterproductive.”
Nothing is too trivial, or too complex.
“It’s a professional, highly confidential service, where young people and their families can feel
“The small wins need to be recognised and celebrated too, not only the big stuff.” Wiremu Gray
Christ’s College Canterbury
60
Made with FlippingBook flipbook maker