% ‘Yes, I think I would,” Mary answered, “but I don’t know how.” The counselor asked, “Would you like me to help you?” She nodded her head. “ Then just bow your head and repeat after me,” said the counselor, bowing his head. “ Dear God, I know I’m a sinner, but I am accepting your gift of eternal life by accepting you as my own personal Saviour and Lord. Do forgive me of my sins and come into my heart right now. Take over my life. I surrender my will and my life to Thee. Amen.” Mary repeated the words phrase by phrase, choking occasionally with tears. When they lifted their heads, the counselor said, “You really mean it, don’t you?” “ Oh yes, I certainly do,” Mary assured him, burying her face in her hands. In subsequent visits, Mary brought her husband, Tom, to the counselor’s office. Not only did he receive definite psychological help, but in time he, too, accepted Christ as his Saviour. In the final sessions the counselor coun seled with them simultaneously. These “ double sessions” revealed much about the dynamics of their relationship and enabled the counselor to discuss the problems more intelligently with each separately as well as together. Tom and Mary really began working orr their prob lems. They found a hobby they both enjoyed. They dropped the old drinking crowd and started to church and Bible class together. When Tom found he could trust himself, in Christ, he began trusting his wife and giving her freedom of action. They learned to express their feelings in a constructive way and to listen to each other. Mary still had difficulty learning to truly love Tom. She sometimes became discouraged and thought much about the other man. However, she prayed daily that God would give her love for her husband. She prayed for Tom and did little things to please him. Finally, several months later, the counselor was delighted when Mary made an unexpected appointment. She couldn’t wait to tell the news. She said she had prayed and prayed with seemingly little results, but finally, one morning, she awakened with a feeling of warmth and love for her husband that she had never known before. “I can’t un derstand it,” she said, “ I just know it’s happened.” This was a direct answer to prayer. “ I realize now” , she said, “ I never did love the other man. I was lonely and needed someone. I felt shut out by my husband. But now I have God and He has given me a warmth and love for my husband I’ve never had.” This love persisted, and Tom and Mary made a good adjustment. Through their new life in Christ, basic un derstanding of themselves and the dynamics of their re lationship with each other, Tom and Mary found hap piness in their marriage.
one to talk to. My husband doesn’t care enough for me to give me his undivided attention for even three or four minutes. We have no interests in common other than our children and parties. When I try to talk with him about our problems he just gets mad. I hate to argue; so I give up.” “Arguing upsets you.” “Yes, I had enough of that as a child. All my folks did was argue and fight.” The remainder of the session, and all of the second, were spent considering Mary’s family background, more ventilation of her feelings, as well as discussion of her attitudes and beliefs concerning marriage and divorce. In addition, the counselor encouraged her to carefully con sider what she expected of marriage, what she felt she had given to it, what effect divorce would have on her children and the other family involved; for she and the other man, Ted, planned to be married after they both got their divorces. When Mary came for her third session she began, “ Our last appointment made me realize there is much about marriage that I need to learn. I’m sure I, too, have failed the marriage and that there are some things I could have done that I didn’t.” The counselor encouraged her to express herself: “You say that you may have been expecting too much of your husband. Do you feel that you have been expecting him to fulfill your ideals of perfection? I have known of married people who have gone from marriage to mar riage seeking perfection in the spouse and never finding it because, as we know, only God is perfect.” “Yes,” she replied. “ I know that. And I’m not sure how I feel about Ted! I was lonely and looking for some one who would understand. When he told me that he loved me, I was surprised and my ego was built up. But I don’t think divorce is really what I want.” After further discussion the counselor asked about her religious background. Mary brought out the fact that she felt she was a Christian because she lived in a “ Chris tian country” and went to church occasionally. When asked what it meant to be a Christian, she mentioned several things that “ a Christian does.” The counselor agreed that Christians usually do these things, then re iterated, “But what is a Christian?” “I guess I don’t know. You tell me. What is a Chris tian?” The counselor then quietly explained what a Chris tian is. Several verses of Scripture (John 10:10, Romans 3:23, 6:23, John 1:12, and Revelation 3:20) were read and made to “live” through illustrations and participation brought about by questioning. After reading Revelation 3:20, the counselor said, “ This is meant for you. Jesus is speaking to you. Wouldn’t you like to open the door of your heart and let Him come in?”
% . . up to recently he’s had no reason to he jealous . After my divorce I plan to marry Ted. I am so lonely!”
AUGUST, 1962
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