TODAY'S DECEIVER The Bible and Science vs. Alcohol by Helen M. Allen
The C h r is t ian Home by Paul Bayles Pastor, Christ Community Church Canoga Park, California
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O n e o f t h e most frightening things in the world to do is to accept love and closeness when it is offered. Marriages and friendships exist in emotional vacuums because love is difficult and awkward to accept. What we want the most leaves us helpless, embarrassed and awkward. We tend to defend ourselves against the helplessness of being con fronted by love, with innumerable ra tionalizations. The chances are that if your marriage partner came to you and said, “Darling, I truly love you. I think you’re wonderful. I’m so glad we’re married,” you would back off from this confrontation. You would feel helpless and embarrassed. You don’t enjoy these discomforts, so you would get out of the situation by saying in effect, “ Oh cut it out. You’re just saying that. What do you want now?” We want so desperately to feel close to people, but when closeness is of fered we cannot accept the accom panying embarrassments. Recently, one of the men of my church offered me an expression of Christian love and friendship. It was so sincere that I could scarcely face it. To relieve my embarrassment, I filled the air with words like, “You are very gra cious. Praise the Lord,” etc. Instead of accepting love and embarrassment, I had to find a logical reason for it — his graciousness. When someone is honored at a tes timonial dinner and the moment comes for him to accept this love and appreciation — what can he do? He can stand there, shift from one foot to another, clear his throat and stut ter, “ I just don’t know what to say.” Or, he can glibly read a prepared speech. You would rather see him awkward and embarrassed, because that’s the way we have to feel in the presence of love. There’s no other way to feel when love soaks past our defenses. We are terrified at the prospects of feeling this helpless. Instinctively, we will protect ourselves by resisting the full force of love. To feel this help less is like being undressed in public, with our armor removed. We fear such self-disclosure lest people really know us and reject us. Human nature has developed ways whereby we can accept love, after a
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fashion, without embarrassment. This is accomplished by feeling “worthy.” We develop an artificial sense of wor thiness by yvorking hard and trying to achieve a level where we can feel that we deserve love. A couple with whom I counseled was sure that their marriage was without love. They actually wanted my approval for a divorce — and yet they were also reaching out for help. After a time it became apparent that some of the dynamics of their rela tionship included what we have al ready described. The husband had taken on two jobs in order to “ do right by the family.” He gave expensive gifts to his wife. The wife accepted the gifts, but rejected their meaning as expressions of love. The wife kept a perfect house and frequently re minded the husband that her home was cleaner than any of their friends’ homes. The husband’s comment was that she spent too much time on the house. Here were two people trying to say “I love you” by the works they did. Expressing love this way isn’t em barrassing, but neither is it satisfy^ ing. The more each partner rejected the works of the other, the harder each had to work. Each could feel self-righteous and justified, because each was “ working so hard” at their marriage. They each were competing in an effort to feel more worthy than the other. All this energy was being expended in order not to have to face the help lessness of receiving heart-on-the- sleeve love by grace. There was plen ty of love being expressed in this marriage, but it was unsatisfactory because the husband and wife would not disclose their hearts and accept their helplessness in each other’s pres ence. If we allowed the love of God to fill our hearts by grace, the need for doing would end. After the resurrec tion, Jesus confronted Mary in the garden with pure love. She was so embarrassed that she wanted to do something — touch Him or talk to Him. After she accepted her embar rassment, and His love, then Christ told her to tell the others. There’s a place for doing, but it must be after receiving love by grace. THE KING'S BUSINESS
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