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I know you can do this, too, sister. It’s daunting; thoughts of failure often distort our truth. So, take a deep breath and start with these steps. The First Step
–Danette May We’re here for you, sister. You can take that first step, and I’ll be cheering for you with every step. I begin this part in the process by writing down 1–3 things I can start doing to live each day toward my new goals. I visualize them every day. I work toward them. I focus on my “whydentity” and the actions I need to take to get there. I take these small steps, and as they evolve into bigger steps, I find my “whydentity” coming to fruition. It’s never easy. You may struggle. You may wonder if it’s worth it. You may want to give up, push forward with a life or direction that doesn’t entirely feel like it’s yours. But the years since I first laced up those shoes after losing Hap and the weeks I spent refining, changing, rewriting, and reshaping my “whydentity” have been worth it. It’s vital that you are honest with yourself and your soul, not with what the world expects of you. Dig into the essence of your being and visualize the life you want to create for yourself. The Third Step It’s finally time to take action. After reflection and planning, you have to take that first tangible step in your journey. You have to actually live it — feel your soul come alive — to know it’s working. This first step can be one of the hardest. It’s important to be radically honest with yourself, with the motivation of falling in love with yourself and pushing your soul forward. Your flaws, your faults, your outbursts are part of you today. They are not worthy of punishing yourself over; they are worth your attention, your dedication, and your adjustment for that next leg of your journey. The Second Step In what is perhaps an easier step in this journey, you must cultivate the life of your dreams to identify what your dreams truly are! What would be your “dream identity”? What do you want out of the relationships in your life? What do you need from your relationship with yourself? Why do you value these? Is this truly what you want?
The reason behind who you are and the life you create is
just as important as your why, and before you can even begin a clean slate, a new chapter, a new slab, you have to discover your why. What pushes you forward? What’s at the center
of your soul’s calling? Your belief system is who you are. Your principles, your truths, and your vision statements are your “whydentity.”
When I need to reassess my “whydentity,” I start by being radically honest with what’s governing my day. From the time I wake up to the time I close my eyes that night, I spend moments in quiet reflection, wondering how I’m showing up for the world around me. What does my body language say? How does my attitude shift and grow? What am I eating? How am I moving? Then, I look at the patterns surrounding those feelings. Who was I with when I felt my mind crumbling? How do my family or friends play a role in this? What prompted jubilation, and what did I shy away from? What and whom do I need to surround myself with, and are there pieces that need to be removed? And one day, I put on my shoes and my bed was silent. I wasn’t being pulled back into the dark vessel. My body needed to move. I needed this small hinge to move the very big door I was about to walk through.
But one day, it got easier. I knew there was more to life than my
bed; I had to do more for my daughter Sarah, for Hap, for myself. I committed to getting up at least a few times each day to do something outside of my bedroom. I would lace up my tennis shoes and walk to the mailbox. It was a small victory, but it was my victory. Gradually, I made it a few paces down the sidewalk. Soon, I was around the block. And one day, I put on my shoes, and my bed was silent. I wasn’t being pulled back into the dark vessel. My body needed to move. I needed this small hinge to move the very big door I was about to walk through. These were the first steps I took toward the life I have today. It’s a life full of radical self-love, passionate relationships, and powerful soul calling. It’s a life my bed almost stole from me, but my mind pushed me into it. It wasn’t easy, and sometimes there are low points even today that beckon me back down. But every day, I make the decision to not listen to those calls, to write my own story, to paint my truth, to sculpt the life that my “whydentity” and soul speak.
Danette May’s Lotus Journal
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