T A L K I N G I T OV E R with Dr. Clyde M . Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate ef Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of one of America's
largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling confer in Pasadena, California. FATHER-SON QUARREL
this.” Then the boy will say, “ No, dad, I think I was partly to blame too.” The first thing you know the whole thing will be healed. But it is the responsibility of the parents to take the first step in reconcilia tion. A CHILD'S UNDERSTANDING OF DEATH Q. How should I expect our seven- year-old son to react over the death of his four-year-old brother? Several months ago our Bobby was hit and run over. He went to be with the Lord the same night. The day before he died, he came to me with his Bible and wanted me to help him become a child of God. How very thankful I am I was able to pray with him. It enabled me to praise God at his death instead of cursing Him. I am concerned about our seven-year-old son who has shown no signs of being disturbed about it. He cried at the time, but recovered very quickly. Is it possible that young children can understand that death is not all sorrow? A. I appreciate your attitude toward the home-going of your little boy. I would not think of it as death; I would think of it as home-going be cause the following verses from the Bible assure us that our sorrow is not as others who have no hope. “We are confident, I say, and will ing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord” (II Cor. 5 :8 ). “ For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21). Your older boy may not under stand death. If he wants to talk about it, I would encourage him; if he doesn’t, I would not press it. This whole experience may become cloud ed and dim, much of it forgotten in the future.
he has probably had a bad deal most of his life, and now that he is older he must stand up and fight his fa ther. So here we find an impasse in which neither will give in and the frustrated mother is in the middle. Several things can be done: First, you need to continue to pray that God will work in the life of your husband and your son. God is more interested than you are, regardless of how much you love them both. If you continue to bring it to Him in prayer, God will bring to pass in some way the opportunity for you to talk with each of them. God uses such things in our lives to bring about wonderful changes, and I be lieve you will all come out of this finer persons. You will need to be an intermediary, but God will bless you for it. When things get in a climactic condition like th is, it means that God is ready to step in. You have heard it said that when we can’t do any more, that is when God has an opportunity to do some thing for us. I believe God will work in all of your lives. I think you are the key person as far as holding on to God in prayer. I would suggest that during the next week or so you see your boy every day at least once or twice and discuss this very quietly. If the boy starts to talk, hear him out. When he has been able to talk openly about his problem for about a week, then he will begin to think this whole situation through and his attitude will begin to change. Spend another week or two talking to your husband and encourage him to talk about it alone with you every day until it’s all out of his system. Then they will both be in a position to accept each other and establish a better rela tionship. Your husband should have the grace to say, “ Son, I may have been all wrong, and if I am, I’m sorry for
Q. How can I bring about a recon ciliation between my husband and our 18-year-old son? We are Chris tians who are trying to raise our children as such, but this boy has backslidden badly. He hates his fa ther, resenting anything he says or does. My husband does not feel he has done anything wrong, and my son feels the same way about him self. I feel that somewhere along the line we have failed with our chil dren. We have three younger chil dren and 1 don’t want this to hap pen to them. Can you help us? A. I am glad you have written about this problem, which is a common one. All across the country, and other countries too, we find the problem of a poor relationship between father and son. Your boy is 18, practically a grown man and ready to go into military service; therefore, he feels he has something to say. He begins to show the resentment which he has held toward his father for years, manifesting it in a definite, crucial way. It has now become traumatic for the boy as well as the father. The father does not want to give in be cause he will be admitting that he is a loser and that he cannot control his son any more. Perhaps this is the very thing the father has feared for years. This fear may stem from insecurity on his part, which results in his inability to work well with his own boy. Perhaps he does not have inter-personal skills . . . skills of re lating easily to other people . . . so the only way he has known how to handle his son is just to tell him what to do and to make him obey. Now he can no longer do that, be cause the boy is- nearly a grown man, and lacking the skill to discuss things with him, he feels he is in a corner. On the other hand, the son feels
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THE K IN G 'S BUSINESS
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