SHOW THEM HOW TO ACT, NOTHING MORE Ryan Palmer, four-time PGA Tour winner Too many parents have too much riding on their kids’ golf. They base their social lives around it and get satisfaction out of their kids playing well. My dad was really only concerned with my behaviour. He’d unceremoniously take me off a golf course if I let my temper get the best of me. Our son, Mason, wasn’t into golf as a kid, so we never pushed. When we did play, the only expectation was he follow proper etiquette and
comes from within. Yeager says that’s not realistic. Golf is hard, and practice can be tedious. Rather than expecting a child to want to pound balls on the range, a mentor mindset helps the play- er see why it could help and appeals to their sense of reward. “The message the parent is providing can be, ‘It’s high-status for you to put in the preparation that other people were going to shortcut or half ass,’” Yeager says. “For you to be the kind of person who’s chosen to push yourself now and get better, when other people wouldn’t, ties into status and respect.” “Stop telling me what to do!” Yeager’s kids are more into baseball, where he fights the tendency to tell his son what to do at every step of his pitch- ing motion. However well-intentioned, a parent’s desire to overload their kid with knowledge usually comes at the expense of the athlete developing his or her own instincts. When a young player is pulling every tee shot left, a knowl- edgeable parent might note it’s because their kid is rising out of the backswing and coming over the top. Rather than tell the player the solution outright, Yeager advises asking players enough questions so they can diagnose and fix the problem themselves. “You want to practice in an environment where you’re coaching them, but you’re coaching in a way where they know how to critique their own mechanics and form,” Yeager says. “The logic is that players need to play the game in their heads, but if, as a parent, you’re telling the kid how to play the game, then you are owning the mental effort.”
be respectful. When he was 13, he said he was done with hockey and wanted to get back into golf. It was a bit of a shock. Of course, I was happy to help, but I can’t make him good. I can’t make him practice. He knows that part is on him. I help him when he asks, but he has his own coaches he works with. I’m here to encourage and teach him how to act, like my dad did with me. – KL
and the body starts to panic even more. One of the worst things a parent can do is encourage kids not to be nervous, which is telling them to suppress an emotion they can’t control. “For the kid, the implication is, ‘Well, I am stressed, so that must mean I’m not talented,’ or ‘I am stressed; therefore I didn’t prepare,” Yeager writes. “But I don’t want to hit balls!” Parents and children can often be at odds around “It’s-good-for-you” tasks like homework or cleaning a room. With golf, this argument can often be about practice. One misconception is that a truly dedicated golfer never needs to be coaxed because motivation always
support – what Yeager calls an enforcer mindset. A parent who wants to swoop in and save the child, or worse, decides not to let them compete in the first place, is guilty of a protector mindset – all sup- port and no standard. The mentor mindset is built around an equal measure of high support and high standards, which means giving young golfers a chance to develop skills while reinforcing their ability to cope with what the game can throw at them. Yeager’s refrain is that kids seek “status” from adults more than we realise. “Choosing to be in this important competitive environment is impressive. It’s a high-status thing,” Yeager says of the message he advocates sending kids. “If you’re going to compete where it’s uncertain how you’ll do, that takes courage.” “I’m sooo nervous” Yeager forces parents to reconsider the assumption that stress is only detri- mental. As Yeager notes, stress – from a racing heart to sweaty palms – is simply the body activating for performance. The tricky part is how we perceive it. Yeager’s research elaborates on the difference between a “challenge-type stress response” and a “threat-type stress response.” When a golfer has but- terflies on the first tee, the “challenge- type stress response” is to accept those nerves as a natural sensation before playing, and the body responds favour- ably. The “threat-type stress response” is when we believe something is wrong,
LEAVE WHILE EVERYONE IS HAVING FUN Erika Larkin, Golf Digest 50 Best Teacher The advice I give all golf parents is something that worked for me when I learned how to play with my family on a pitch and putt: Leave while everyone is having fun. If you wait until your child gets tired, the attitude towards golf sours. If your child is smiling when he or she leaves the golf course, that child will want to come back. You can also cre- ate this positive association by letting golf be the reward for something the child has earned. In the same way that you’d reward your child for getting through a doctor’s appointment or celebrating something at school with a new toy or a special treat, reward the child with golf. That way, golf is in the same category as treats: It’s a desirable, special thing. – KL
GOLF DIGEST SOUTH AFRICA 73
JULY/AUGUST 2025
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