ta lk in g
in yo u r ch ildhood .) There needs to be a warm re la tionsh ip , a m utual tru s t; rewarding as well as pun ish ing. May I say to othe rs besides th is man who w rites, th a t case studies o f m ost ju ven ile de linq uen ts show one o f the fa c to rs to be th a t the y have been subjected to freq uen t and severe punishm ent. Parents and teachers sometimes sh rug and say, “ What else can I do?” C h ristian parents can tu rn to the Lord, seek H is w isdom , see th e ir ch ild ren as a tru s t from H im , lead them to Ch rist, encourage them in positive ways, ra the r than m a jo r ing in the "b e s t” fo rm s o f d is c i pline.
it o v e r . . .
w ith Dr. Clyde M . N arram ore
one of Am erica's largest psychological clinics — Th e Christian Counseling Center in Rosemead, California. the way, these two concepts must both be kept in focus. The use o f the rod is not necessarily the tra in ing th a t w ill develop the ch ild in to what you want him to be “ when he is o ld ” ye t we have the prom ise th a t "h e w ill not depa rt from it.” You, you rse lf, are an example o f th is very tru th . You are, in your m anner o f dea ling w ith you r own ch ild ren , what yo u r parents pa t terned you to be. Now, le t’s th in k about th is m a t te r o f pun ishm ent. In a research project, a group o f adults, asked to recall what among th e ir childhood experiences had been o f little o r no educational value to them , w ith ou t exception, related stories of pun ishm ent. And, s ig n ifica n tly , they could rare ly recall the offenses fo r which they had been so discip lined . Punishment was the method o f con tro l by which you “ learned to behave.” But, from y o u r le tte r, I ga the r th a t yo u r m ind is s u ffic ie n t ly open on the sub je ct th a t you have done you r own research th rough reading and the other areas you mention. Also, the fa c t th a t you are que stion ing whether you should continue yo u r present procedure w ith regard to d is c ip line shows th a t you are not to ta lly in agreement w ith it. I would suggest tha t, fo r a tim e, you w ith ho ld the corporal pun ish ment and try some more positive means, th a t come under the cate gory o f “ T ra in ing up a ch ild . . . Spend tim e w ith you r ch ild ren . Ta lk th in g s over w ith them . Show them good behavior ra th e r than ju s t pun ish ing them fo r poor behavior. It often happens th a t the ch ild who is so rigo rously punished, rare ly sees his Dad except a t these tim es. (I note th a t you make no mention o f happy tim e s w ith you r parents
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia Uni versity, New Y ork City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of I DON’T FEEL DAMAGED Q. In my home when I was grow ing up there was ju s t one fo rm o f d is c i pline. We d id what we were to ld— o r else. And the “ else” was pun ish ment. Usually th is was slapp ing or, fo r more severe in fra c tion s , a w h ip ping. I can also recall having been hum ilia ted before my frie n d to “ teach me a lesson.” Nevertheless, I never once questioned my par en ts ’ rig h t to tre a t me as seemed best to them . I d id not hate them o r resent them . A fte r a ll, does not the B ible teach “ spare the rod and spoil the c h ild ” ? My problem , now th a t I am m a r ried and we have ou r own ch ildren, is th is : I read a lo t about “ How to d isc ip line you r c h ild ” ; I hear d is cussions on rad io and TV and the sum to ta l o f most o f th is seems to be th a t it's somehow dam aging to a c h ild to be d isc ip lined by his pa r ents. I don ’t feel damaged. Also, I d o n 't like what I see in th e kids who are being raised on th is no pun ishm ent philosophy (o r w ha t ever it is). Am I w rong in tre a tin g my ch ild ren as my fa th e r trea ted me? I should say th a t my w ife is in complete agreement w ith me. A. I’m sure th a t yo u r le tte r says what many parents have been say ing (aloud, o r to them selves) fo r a num be r o f years. You pose two questions: one, are you rig h t in con tin u in g in you r home, w ith you r ch ild ren , the pa t te rn you r parents established when you were a child? Secondly, what does th e Bible say on th is subject? Let’s consider th is la tte r one firs t. Ce rtain ly, th e B ible speaks about the use o f the rod as a medium of co rre ction . Likewise, the B ible in s tru c ts parents to "T ra in up a ch ild in the way th a t he shou ld go.” By
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OtiCE, ON CALVARY'S TREE 0 , that 1 might have car * ried His cross, Shared but a moment the anguish and loss, Knowing He thought o f me, paying the cost Once, on Calvary’s tree. O, that 1might have spoken a word, Joining the tribute of angels, unheard, : Knowing He prayed for me—Saviour and Lord— Once, on Calvary’s tree. O, that I might have knelt at His side Mingling my tears urith those wounds flowing wide, Knowing He bled for me, now crucified Once, on Calvary’s tree. 0 , that I might have given Him there One drop of water, His sor row to share, Knowing He died for me, my sins to bear — Once, on Calvary’s tree. —Ruth Gibbs Zwall
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