Navigating the Holidays with a Tender Heart
Create space for your person. You might find comfort in acknowl - edging your loved one’s presence in some way: light a candle, hang a special ornament, make their fa- vourite dish, or share a memory. Including them in your traditions can make the day feel less empty.
The holiday season can be one of the most tender and compli- cated times of the year when you’re grieving. Unlike anniversa - ries or specific dates that come and go, holidays often last for weeks. Everywhere you turn, there are messages of joy, family, and togetherness. You may find yourself longing for the person who isn’t here, missing the traditions you shared, or feeling out of step with the world around you. “For someone living with loss, that can feel almost unbearable. It’s a painful contrast, the world celebrating while your heart feels heavy,” says Kim Vander Schelde, a Thanatologist who lives in Riverbend and specializes in bereavement counselling, along with her husband Sam. If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s okay to admit that the holiday season is hard. While you can’t erase the ache, here are some ways Kim suggests may help you navigate the holi- days with compassion for yourself and your grief: Choose what feels safe. You don’t have to attend every event. Be selective about what feels manageable and where you’ll find emotional support. A quiet dinner with close friends may be eas- ier than a large party. Allow yourself to say no without the guilt. Communicate your needs. If you decide to attend something, let the host know ahead of time that you may need to leave early or that you might change your mind at the last minute. Grief can be unpredictable, and you’re allowed to take care of yourself in the moment.
Simplify when you can. The holidays often come with pressure to host, decorate, bake, or buy gifts. This year, allow yourself to do less. Choose what matters most and let the rest go. Grief itself is exhausting work; you don’t need to take on more than you can manage. Plan for emotional moments. Certain songs, places, or rituals may stir strong feelings. Have a plan, maybe a quiet space to step away for a moment, or a friend to text when it feels too heavy. Anticipating these moments doesn’t remove the pain but can soften the surprise. Give yourself grace. Grief doesn’t take a holiday. You may have good days and hard ones. Some moments might even hold laugh- ter or lightness, that’s okay too. Let go of any expectations about how you “should” feel and allow yourself to be where you are. The holidays can magnify loss, but they can also remind us of the deep, enduring love that remains after a loss. If you’re grieving this season, know that you don’t have to do it perfectly or even grace - fully, just honestly, one moment at a time. If you feel that speaking with a professional would help, visit Kim and Sam’s practice, This Thing Called Grief, at www.thisthingcalledgrief.com or call 548-708-7242.
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Byron Villager December 2025
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