When I thought of nothing but to end my days in these times of trou ble and disquiet (which did not at all diminish the trust I had in God, and which served only to increase my faith), I found myself changed all at once; and my soul, which till that time was in trouble, felt a profound inward peace, as if it had found its center and place of rest. Ever since that time I walk before God in simple faith, with humility and with love, and I apply myself diligently to do nothing and think nothing which may displease Him. I hope that when I have done what I can, He will do with me what He pleases. As for what passes in me at pres ent, I cannot express it. I have no pain nor any doubts as to my state, because I have no will but that of God, which I endeavor to carry out in all things, and to which I am so submissive that I would not take up a straw from the ground against His order, or from any other motive than purely that of love to Him. I have quitted all forms of devo tion and set prayers but those to which my state obliges me. And I make it my only business to persevere in His holy presence, wherein I keep myself by a simple attention and an absorbing passionate regard to God, which I may call an actual presence of God; or, to speak better, a silent and secret conversation of the soul with God which often causes me joys and raptures inwardly, and some times also outwardly, so great that I am forced to use means to moderate them and to prevent their appearance to others. In short, I am assured beyond all doubt that my soul has been with God above these 30 years. I pass over many things that I may not be tedious to you, yet I think it proper to inform you after what manner I consider myself before God, whom I behold as my King. I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King. Touched with a sensible regret, I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask His forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands that He may do what He pleases with me. The,King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me inces santly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself - from time to time in His
holy presence. My most useful method is this simple attention, and such a general passionate regard to God, to whom I find myself often attached with greater sweetness and delight than that of an infant at the mother’s breast; so that, if I dare use the expression, I should choose to call this state the bosom of God, for the inexpressible sweetness which I taste and experience there. If sometimes my thoughts wander from it by necessity or infirmity, I am soon recalled by inward emotions so charming and delightful that I am ashamed to mention them. I beg you to reflect rather upon my great wretchedness, of which you are fully informed, than upon the great favors which God does me, all unworthy and ungrateful as I am. As for my set hours of prayer, they are only a continuation of the same exercise. Sometimes I consider myself there as a stone before a carver, whereof he is to make a statue; pre senting myself thus before God, I de sire Him to form His perfect image in my soul, and make me entirely like Himself. At other times, when I apply my self to prayer I feel all my spirit and all my soul lift itself up without any trouble or effort of mine, and it re mains as it were in elevation, fixed firm in God as in its center and its resting-place. I know that some charge this state with inactivity, delusion and self- love. I confess that it is a holy in activity, and would be a happy self- love were the soul in that state cap able of such; because, in fact, while the soul is in this repose, it cannot be troubled by such acts as it was for merly accustomed to, and which were then its support, but which would now rather injure than assist it. Yet I cannot bear that this should be called delusion, because the soul which thus enjoys God desires herein nothing but Him. If this be delusion in me, it belongs to God to remedy it. May He do with me what He pleases; I desire only Him, and to be wholly devoted to Him. You will, however, oblige me in sending me your opinion, to which I always pay a great deference, for I have a singu lar esteem for your reverence, and am, in our Lord, Yours,------ Peace of Soul Madame: My prayers, of little worth though they be, will not fail you; I have promised it, and I will keep my word. How happy we might be, if only we could find the treasure, of which the gospel tells us—all else would seem to us nothing. How in
finite it is! The more one toils and searches in it, the greater are the riches that one finds. Let us toil there fore unceasingly in this search, and let us not grow weary and leave off, till we have found. I know not what I shall become: it seems to me that peace of soul and repose of spirit descend on me, even in sleep. To be without the sense of this peace would be affliction indeed. I know not what God purposes with me, or keeps me for; I am in a calm so great that I fear nought. What can I fear, when I am with Him? And with Him, in His presence, I hold myself the most I can. May all things praise Him. Amen. Yours,— In His Own Time Madame: We have a God who is infinitely gracious and knows all our wants. I always thought that He would reduce you to extremity. He will come in His own time, and when you least expect it. Hope in Him more than ever; thank Him with me for the favors He does you, particu larly for the fortitude and patience which He gives you in your afflictions, it is a plain mark of the care He takes of you. Comfort yourself, then, with Him, and give thanks for all. I admire also the fortitude1 and bravery of M. ------ . God has given him a good disposition and a good w ill; but there is in him still a little of the world and a great deal of youth. I hope the affliction which God has sent him will prove a whole some medicine to him, and make him take stock of himself. It is an acci dent which should engage him to put all his trust in Him who accompan ies him everywhere. Let him think of Him as often as he can, especially in the greatest dangers. A little lift ing up of the heart suffices. A little remembrance of God, one act of in ward worship, though upon a march and sword in hand, are prayers which, however short, are nevertheless very acceptable to God; and far from lessening a soldier’s courage in occa sions of danger, they best serve to fortify it. Let him think then of God the most he can. Let him accustom him self, by degrees,, to this small but holy exercise. No one will notice it, and nothing is easier than to repeat often in the day these little acts of inward worship. Recommend to him, if you please, that he think of God the most he can, in the manner here directed. It is very fit and most necessary for a soldier, who is daily in danger of his life. I hope that God will assist him and all the family, to whom I present my service, being theirs in particular. October 12, 1688 Yours, ------- END.
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