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have Mom and Dad digging up buried bones than let Georgie, Clio, and Bodey go without kibble. Fortunately, we live on a farm. So we’re more self-sufficient than many of our fellow citizens. Unfortunately, it’s a tree farm. “Five chickens,” says Buster. “Georgie was chasing Henny-Penny and Henny-Penny ran out in the road and got hit by a car.” We’ve got five chickens. So we each get one egg a day, plus what we grow in the garden. “What did we grow in the garden this year?” I ask my wife. “Eleven tomatoes, one oregano plant, and three green peppers,” replies my wife (an excellent woman, but not a champion vegetable gardener). “And two of the green peppers were eaten by a groundhog.” Anyone for fillet of spruce? But we’ve got six chickens...
Maybe it’s a sign of the age we live in. I used to daydream about enormous wealth – champagne and caviar. Now I find myself daydreaming about what my family and I would do if the economy collapsed. Or maybe it’s just a sign of my age – These days, champagne and caviar give me indigestion... Anyway, what would we do? I’m not so worried about us personally going broke. If we personally go broke, we’ll just mooch off other people – about half of America seems to do that already. But what if the entire economic system fails and everybody goes broke and nobody has any money and the money isn’t worth anything anyway? Then what would we do? We have five mouths to feed – my wife and I, daughters Muffin and Poppet, and son Buster. Plus, we’ve got three dogs (Georgie, Clio, and Bodey) who are so much a part of the family that Muffin, Poppet, and Buster would rather
By P.J. O’Rourke
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American Consequences 43
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