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for another nation – say Ukraine, the same act that fueled much of the Mueller probe. At this point, Rudy suffers the same legal woes as many in Trump’s sketchy circles have, e.g., Michael Flynn, Roger Stone, and Paul Manafort. But they received presidential pardons... There’s no such luck for Giuliani, meaning he might have to pull a Michael Cohen and cooperate with the Feds. Now, whether you think this Rudy raid is a political hit piece, that Joe dispatched the FBI to the Upper East Side while stumbling up the stairs (twice) to Air Force One, or that there’s some real meat to it... we can all agree on one fundamental truth: Rudy has been a sloppy, steaming mess as of late. But it wasn’t always like this. BACK TO THE FUTURE Rudy, I know Donald’s not messaging you back on your eight cell phones swimming around your ill-fitting pants, but I’d like to give you something: a time machine . Back when I was still in diapers, you broke up the mob! In the Mafia Commission Trial of 1985 to 1986, you led the federal prosecution that took down the “Five Families” on RICO charges. Then, in the next decade, you cleaned up New York, transforming the seedy Red Light District vibes of retro Times Square into a shining, plastic tourist trap. And after 9/11, you weren’t just New York’s Mayor – you were America’s Mayor. What if your public life had ended there, Rudy – perfect, right? Imagine a cozy
Rick Wilson, a man who owes his career to Giuliani, encapsulated the Rudy conundrum by saying, “It’s a cliché, but if you live long enough, you’ll see your heroes become villains.” (How come we can distill nearly all of politics into a variation of that one line from The Dark Knight ?) Now, Rudy’s latest bumbling circus of absurd cringe is a cartoonish showcase generously providing fodder for GIFs, SNL , and me(mes). To err is human – to do it all the time is a Giuliani. Though maybe we could chalk this all up to a series of unfortunate events – all good for a laugh, right, Rudy? But it’s all gags and giggles until the Feds come knocking. THE RUDY RAID Around dawn on April 28, federal agents executed search warrants at Rudy’s Madison Avenue apartment and Park Avenue office, seizing his digital devices as part of an investigative probe into his shady dealings with Ukraine vis a vis running oppo research on the Bidens, including efforts to oust the former U.S. ambassador, Marie Yovanovitch, to Ukraine. And while I’m aware Hunter Biden faces a criminal tax probe by the DOJ, he’s not nearly as entertaining as Rudy in terms of Dunce material. Manhattan office federal prosecutors (which you used to lead, Rudy!) are angling their potential case around the Foreign Agents Registration Act. FARA requires registering with the Justice Department if you’re lobbying
American Consequences
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