PAPERmaking! g FROM THE PUBLISHERS OF PAPER TECHNOLOGY ® Volume 8, Number 2, 2022
1. Face the speaker and have eye contact Eye contact is an important part of face to face conversation. Too much eye contact can be intimidating, though, so adapt this to the situation you’re in. Try breaking eye contact every five seconds or so, or to show you’re listening attentively, look at one eye for five seconds, then another eye for five seconds, then switch to looking at their mouth. When you look away, looking to the side or up is better than looking down, which can seem like you want to close the conversation. Check your posture and make sure it’s open – avoid crossed arms or crossed legs, which can make you look ‘closed’ or defensive. Leaning slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting can show that you’re listening – as can a slight tilt of your head or resting your head on your hand. 2. “Listen” to non -verbal cues too Facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures can tell you just as much as what is being said in words. Pay attention to what the other person is saying with their body language - are they smiling, for example, or are their arms crossed defensively, or are they rubbing their eyes as if they're tired or upset. Even on the phone, you can learn a lot from the other person’s voice, which might sound subdued or upbeat. 3. Don’t interrupt Being interrupted is frustrating for the other person – it gives the impression that you think you’re more important, or that you don’t have time for what they have to say. If you are naturally a quicker thinker or speaker, force yourself to slow down so that the other person can express themselves. Remember, a pause or a few seconds of silence doesn’t mean that you have to jump in. Letting the other person speak will make it easier for you to understand their message, too. Eve n interruptions that respond to something that they’ve said can be distracting if it means the conversation gets sidetracked from what they were trying to tell you about. If this does happen, steer the conversation back to “So, you were telling me about…”. 4. Listen without judging, or jumping to conclusions If you start reacting emotionally to what’s being said, then it can get in the way of listening to what is said next. Try to focus on listening. Equally, don’t assume that you know what’s going to be s aid next. Nod your head, smile and make small noises like “yes” and “uh huh”, to show that you’re listening and encourage the speaker to continue. Don’t look at your watch, fidget or play with your hair or fingernails. 7. Don’t impose your opinions or solutions It’s not always easy, but lending a listening, supportive ear can be much more rewarding than telling someone what they should do. When a loved one has health problems is a time when they probably want to tell you how they’re feeling, and get things off their chest, rather than have lots of advice about what they should be doing. In other areas of life too, most people prefer to come to their own solutions. If you really must share your brilliant solution, ask first if they want to hear it – say something like “Would you like to hear my suggestions?” 8. Stay focused If you're finding it difficult to focus on what someone is saying, try repeating their words in your head as they say them – this will reinforce what they’re saying and help you to concentrate. Try to shut out distractions like other conversations going on in the room. And definitely don’t look at your phone. 9. Ask questions Asking relevant questions can show that you’ve been listening and help clarify what has been said. If you’re not sure if you’ve understood correctly, wait until the speaker pauses and then say something like “Did you mean that x…” Or “I’m not sure if I understood what you were saying about…” 5. Don’t start planning what to say next You can’t listen and prepare at the same time. 6. Show that you’re listening
Article 11 – Active Listening
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