The Gift and the Challenge by Dr. Janet Smith-Warfield
I had never heard of mystical/transformational experiences until, around age 30, I was suddenly and unexpectedly gifted with one. In a nanosecond, I had instant clarity. My oldest son, Bill, age five, began wetting his bed shortly after his youngest brother was born. It was the last thing I needed. I was already exhausted, caring for my husband, home, and three little boys. I tried ignoring the conduct. Nothing changed.
I tried explaining to Bill why a five-year-old was too old to wet the bed. Bill listened attentively. The next morning, his bed was wet. I felt frustrated. I tried raising my voice. The bed was still wet. I spanked him. The bed was still wet. Nothing I had been taught was working. I was getting out of control. Then my mother gave me a book called Summerhill by an English schoolmaster, A.S. Neill.
Neill had a strange way of dealing with “problem” students. When a child threw spitballs or talked loudly or poked other students, Neill didn’t make him stand in a corner. Neill didn’t make him write 100 times, “I will be good.” Neill gave him a penny. More often than not, the “bad behavior” stopped, and the child would start listening and learning. Rewarding a child for “bad” behavior didn’t make sense, but I was frustrated. Nothing I had tried had worked. The next morning, the bed was wet again. I didn’t understand what I was doing or why, but I had a model to follow. I simply went to my wallet, pulled out a penny, gave it to Bill, and walked away.
Bill looked at me as if I were crazy, but . . . . . he never wet the bed again. I was amazed. It was so easy! I was fascinated! I wanted to play with this. One day, two of Bill’s friends were in our backyard, calling each other names, and getting ready to punch each other. I walked out, drew each boy apart separately, and asked each one the same question, “Do you want to fight?” Each gave me the same answer. “No, I don’t want to fight, but he’s making me do it.” “Well, if you want to fight, go ahead and do it,” I said to both boys together.
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