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CONTENTS ARTICLES
WHAT IS A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE? 1 0 SAM SHOEMAKER GOD’S PLAN FOR FAMILY SUCCESS 1 3 CLYDE M. NARRAM0RE THE PERIL OF AN EMPTY HEART 1 6 VANCE HAVNER SCARS OF DIVORCE 1 8 WORKING TOGETHER 2 1 JOHN 0. FRAME WHAT THE BRIDE SHOULD WEAR 2 5 CLARA LARSON SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE 2 6 NORMAN WRIGHT WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT HEAVEN— Conclusion 3 1 LOUIS T. TALBOT BIOLANS SERVE CHRIST OVERSEAS 3 0 DON HILUS THEY CALL ME PREDICTABLE PAM 3 8 JAMES R. ADAIR FEATURES
YOU . . . N O W guaranteed income . . . for as long as you live generous . . . up to 9.09% (depending on your age) dependable . . . Moody Bible Institute has never missed a single payment in more than sixty years fixed . . . returns are not dependent on the fluctuations of the stock market or changes in the economy plus . . . substantial tax benefits dividends for E T E R N I T Y Your gift-investment in Moody Annuities will provide spiritual dividends now and for eternity as you share in’ MBI’s continuing ministries. Truly, you’ll be laying up for yourselves treasures in heaven. These double dividends can be yours with MOODY ANNUITIES! If you have $300, $500, $1,000 or more to invest . . . and are interested in generous financial returns for life and continuing spiritual blessings into eternity . . . let us tell you more about Moody Annuities and double dividends. Clip and Mail Coupon Today! Write: Annuity Department Dept. 6K9 M O OD Y BIBLE INSTITUTE 820 N. LaSalle Street, Chicago, III. 60610 Please send me without obligation: □ Double Dividends, story of Moody An nuity Plan. □ Folder relating to Wills. □ Information on Life Income Agreements. Date of Mirth __ Address ____________________________ C i/v Stntp 7 ip Name.
MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR PEOPLE IN TH NEWS
4 SAMUEL H. SUTHERLAND
6
7 BETTY BRUECHERT
CULTS CRITIQUE READER REACTION
8 DR. TALBOT’S QUESTION BOX 3 3 LOUIS T. TALBOT OVER A CUP OF COFFEE 3 4 JOYCE LANDORF CHRISTIAN WORKERS’ CLINIC 4 1 CHESTER LARSON
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A b o u t t h r e e y e a r s a g o , the editor had the privilege of spend ing two weeks with missionary friends in Japan in connec tion with the presentation o f the translation o f the New Testament financed and produced by the Lockman Foundation of La Habra. Among other things, the tour provided ample oppor tunity to witness the propagation of a comparatively new re ligious movement originating in Japan called the Soka Gakkai. The movement originated in the early 1930’s and is an offshoot of the Buddhist religion. It was impressive indeed to see the adherents of the move ment evangelizing on the streets of Tokyo and other cities throughout Japan. They had informative printed materials by the millions to hand out to any and all who would accept the pamphlets. In 1965 they claimed a membership of approximately ten millions. The boast at that time was that when they ac quired twenty-two million adherents, they would be able to take over the government of the country. The leaders stated that all Christian missionaries would be banned from the country and every effort would be made to stamp out Christianity from among the Japanese people. In the January 17, 1969 edition of T i m e magazine, an article states that they now claim a membership of at least sixteen mil lions. The followers o f Soka Gakkai have an evangelistic fervor that knows no bounds. Their street meeting activities revealed a zeal that attracted the attention of all who passed by. Their per suasiveness brought about the enlistment o f many o f those who heard. The movement has been growing at an alarming rate in Japan. That country is a long, long way from the United States. However, T i m e states that the movement has come to America. At first, the Soka Gakkai concentrated on obtaining converts among the Japanese Americans or the wives o f thousands o f GI’s who had married Japanese girls and returned with them to the United States. By 1967 the movement had obtained practically all potential followers among the Japanese people, so the focus was shifted to whites and Negroes who had no previous Oriental connections whatever. The sect is promoting its doctrines in the United States with the same degree of zeal that has character ized it in Japan. “ Its youth division has a flashy fife and drum corps replete with majorettes,” states T i m e . It produces a thrice-weekly news paper entitled The World Tribune, which is filled with enthusias tic testimonials concerning the movement and its followers. In order to be considered a member of the movement in good stand ing, one is expected to help swell the membership by the prac tice of what they call shakubuku or getting members wherever he goes. The movement is attracting to itself disillusioned mem- THE KING'S BUSINESS
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‘‘SOKA QAKKAI ’ bers o f almost every conceivable cult and sect in the United States. T i m e continues: “ The most notable seeker to date is a one-time Mormon elder who tried thirty different religions before joining this sect.” One of the features which appeals to many of the black citizens o f this country is the lack of racial preju dice. Naturally, because o f this feature, it has attracted many individuals of the various minority groups in the United States. New converts readily admit that part of the attractiveness of the movement is the warmth and fervor o f the prayer meetings conducted by the Soka Gakkai leaders. One such convert declared, “ I felt as if I wasn’t really alone any more. I was surrounded by people who were going to protect me.” According to T i m e , “ Soka Gakkai makes few demands on its converts. Beyond the prac tice o f getting new converts, all a person has to do is practice Gongyo—the morning and evening recitation of Buddhist sutras and the chanting o f the DaimoJcu until they feel satisfied.” One member stated, “ As long as you are chanting, you’re in. I f you stop chanting, you’re out.” Members chant or pray for anything at any time. Apparently most of the chanting is done in behalf o f material desires, a better home, a better job, a newer car. As one grows in the movement, however, he is expected to begin to chant for higher things, such as spiritual blessings. The goal of the movement is ultimately to establish an earthly kingdom o f peace in the world. It will be a peace, however, based upon the true teachings o f Buddha. Its members include in their doctrine a few of the moral principles found in the Word o f God, but in no sense is it even remotely related to Christianity. The movement would not rate more than passing notice were it not for the fact that it may be growing faster in this country than any other one religion or cult. Certainly it is growing faster than Christianity at the present time. The zeal o f these people put all of us as Christians to shame. It is true that the movement re quires practically nothing of its followers except signing up as members. There are very few moral restrictions based upon membership. It is entirely a religion of doing. One’s belief has practically no bearing whatever upon his own life. Of course, there is nothing in it that corresponds in the slightest degree to the “ offense o f the cross” which is such a stumbling-block to so many people as far as Christian doctrine and practice are con cerned. There is still only one way whereby a person can be saved, and that is the way of the cross whereby one humbles himself and recognizes that his good works are as filthy rags in the sight of the Lord. He must come just as he is, claiming the merits of Jesus Christ for his salvation rather than any merits of his own. The religion o f Soka Gakkai is another one of the general signs of the times. Q|]
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hillside site. Included in the building will be a 2400 seat Sanctuary, a 400-seat chapel, nursery, library, fellowship hall, offices and education facilities. DR. CLARENCE R. SANDS is pastor.
WHERE CAN A JEW FIND CHRIST? On street corners, in homes, in shops, and in our witnessing cen ters, our workers faith fully proclaim the story of redemption accord ing to Moses and the prophets, and the gos pel message from the New Testament, and Jews are finding the Saviour. For help in witnessing, or for your own spiritual need, write to: Rev. A. A. MacKinney Général Director American Messianic Fellowship 7448 N. Damen Avenue, C hicago, III. 606 4 5 generous income, and to determine with certainty the disposal after their death of that which the Lord entrusted to their stewardship without delays, deductions, inheritance taxes, and probate court costs.
A Jewjsh boy accepted a troct, "Isaiah's Por trait of.M essiah" and immediately asked, "Can you tell me more about this?" There on a street corner in Chicago a 12 year old boy listened intently to the skillful presentation of the Scriptures and ac cepted Jesus Christ as his Messiah and Sav iour. A middle-aged Jew ess, after hearing the gospel fo r several years at Miami Beach called and, said, "I am terribly distressed. Please come over. I must find the Lord today.'.'
f►
The Andes Evangelical Mission, form erly known as Bolivian Indian Mission, has sent its first couple to work on the field of Lima, Peru. This is the first step by the organization to meet the unpre cedented challenges of Latin America. DR. PAUL FRYHLING, chairman of the Executive Committee of the U.S. Con gress of Evangelism, has announced the speakers and program for the sessions scheduled for September 8-13 in Minne apolis, Minnesota. SENATOR MARK HAT FIELD will be included along with DR. LEIGHTON FORD, DR. PAUL S. REES, DR. RICHARD HALVERSON and DR. JOHN OCKENGA. Th& Congress is ex pected to draw 8000 people to Minne apolis. Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center conducted a two-day retreat in April featuring the British author DR. JAMES I. PACKER. Dr. Packer ministers often in conferences and is a frequent contributor to theological journals and periodicals. LeTourneau Christian Camp on Can- andaigu Lake, New York, will host the 35th Annual Baptist Ministers’ and Lay men’s Conference June 2-4. Included in the program are twenty seminars, two panel discussions, and a featured in spirational speaker DR. EARLE G. GRIF FITH of the Piedmont Bible College. The General Association of Regular Baptist Churches will conduct their 38th annual conference June 23-27 in the Memorial Coliseum, Fort Wayne, Indiana. “ Faithful Stewards of the Mysteries of God” has been selected as the general theme. The organization now represents 1316 local churches in its operation. Wheaton College of Wheaton, Illinois, will offer a Master of Divinity degree beginning with the 1969-1970 school term. The new degree replaces the origi nal Bachelor of Divinity program. J. EDWARD SMITH, International Di rector of the Pocket Testament League, has announced the planning of special ghetto evangelism for key areas of the United States during the summer. Ac cording to Dr. Smith, methods developed in 25 years of ministry to crisis areas overseas will be used in the United States in potential problem areas dur ing the summer season. The First Baptist Church of San Jose, California, held ground-breaking cere monies in March for the $2.5 million Sanctuary. The 119-year-old church will erect the new Sanctuary on a 35-acre
Œ b S ë S
Evangelist LUIS PALAU, a member of the Overseas Crusades team in Latin America, saw 2500 people gather at the opening meeting of the United Christian Crusade in Monterey, Mexico, the end of March. The crowd gathered in spite of hurricane winds up to 90 kilometers per hour. More than 200 persons came for- v»ard in response to an invitation for salvation. The service was video-taped for possible later use in other countries of Latin America. The Conservative Baptist Foreign Mis sion Society has released a 16mm-color motion picture entitled “ May I Speak To Mr. Page?” A documentary of literature work around the world, the film brings a direct report of missionary Page who has worked simultaneously in 19 differ ent countries. The film is produced by Color Film Productions and may be ob tained on a purchase, rental, or free will offering basis. It is available from the CBFMS, Wheaton, Illinois. Evangelist BILLY GRAHAM, in the Mel bourne, Australia Crusade, spoke to 85.000 people in the Melbourne Cricket Ground for the final meeting. More than 3.000 people responded to the invitation for salvation. The Evangelical Alliance Mission hired forty-eight Christian college students from ten different schools in its summer overseas program. The REV. HAROLD DeVRIES, Furlough Secretary of the or ganization, indicated that this is the largest number ever chosen for the sum mer program. Students visit Japan, Trini dad, Aruba, Venezuela, France, and Peru. Ministries include camping, evan gelism, literature, construction, main tenance and other detailed activities. Christian Medical Society of La Mira da, California, reported a total of more than 5,000 medical patients treated in the first week of operations in the prov ince of Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic. The organization enlists the direction of medical doctors to spear head the work for a one week period. MR. MEL ALEXANDER is director.
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3. 26 Russian-Slavic radio missionaries broad casting in Russian and other languages over 10 radio stations reaching millions daily with the Gospel — especially in Soviet Russia. Hundreds of letters are received, many pleading for Bibles and Christian literature. 4. Sponsoring the only Russian Bible Insti tute in the world — located in Argentina — givingChristian training to Slavic young people. 5. Your prayers and financial support are needed to continue spreading the Gospel through missionaries. Gospel literature, radio broadcasts, and the Russian Bible Institute. Send for free magazine "Slavic Gospel News." Write: PETER DEYNEKA, Founder & General Director SLAVIC GOSPEL ASSOCIATION Dept. K 2434 N. Kedzie Blvd., Chicago, III. 60647 P.O. Box 2, Station K, Toronto 12, Ont., Can.
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that, because of the stresses along the San Andreas fault extending through the state, California is overdue for a disastrous earthquake. It is our understanding that the regular Pentecostal denomination is not given to date-setting. This is one o f the many groups calling themselves Pente costal. The question arises: “ What ex planation did the pastors give their congregations when nothing disastrous occurred right after their exodus and what will they say if Southern Cali fornia is not wiped out in 1970V’ One can be practically sure such things pre dicted by men will not come to pass in view of such Scriptures as Acts 1 :7 that fell from the lips of Christ: “It is not for you to know the times or the sea ls not you to know the times or the sear sons, which the Father hath put in His oion power” ; “But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.” While this has to do with the return of the Lord, the principle applies to all human predictions of future events in this age. ATTENTION: CHURCHES, SCHOOLS, ALL ORGANIZATIONS • Excellent Profits • Little Effort • Effective Results JOIN THE A.E.C.C. If you have been called to preach an evan gelical message, associate yourself with a recognized Church Body which will provide you with all the rights of the Clergy and at the same time allow you to teach or preach without being restricted by man-made doc trines. Send stamp for literature. American Evangelical Christian Churches 192 North Clark St., Chicago, III. 60601 W E F IR E W R I T E R S ! What on earth are you writing these days for Heaven's sake! If you want to write persuasively . . . for the sheer joy of it . . . and for money toe, the CHRISTIAN WRITERS GUILD can fire you with enthusi asm for developing your talent. Our home- study course of instruction costs only about S3 per lesson. And you can start selling immediately as our news reporter in your area. Get fired! Write today for FREE talent test: CHRISTIAN WRITERS GUILD, Dept. D, La Canada, California 91011. (See helpful advertisement on back cover) i WHEATON COLLEGE | W heaton, Illinois Dept. K69 j I Please send me without obligation: I □ Book entitled, Pheasant Tomorrow », which explains Annuity plan in detail. ! □ Folder describing the Deposit Agree ment plan. | Name ______ _______ ____________________ I | Age ____ _ Sex ............................... < | Address __ ______________________ ______ City ----- — ---------------------....------ ------ ------------ j j__ State ....________________ _ Zip _______ ____ I • Does Usual Tasks Better SELL SUNFLOWER DISH CLOTHS to Build Clubs, Churches, Help Needy, etc, Write SANGAMON MILLS, Inc. COHOES, NEW YORK 12047
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Pentecostal Predictions The following appeared in the Sept. IS, 1968 T im e , The Weekly Newsmaga zine and is used by permission. G od is a b o u t to d e s t r o y Southern California for its sinfulness. Driv en by this conviction, nearly 600 mem bers of half a dozen Pentecostal churches in the Golden State are pull ing up stakes and getting out before the holocaust. The inspiration for the exodus comes from the Rev. Donald Abernathy of the Apostolic Gospel Church of Bell Gardens, a Los Angeles suburb. Last spring he had a series of visions that convinced him that the Los Angeles area would soon be torn apart by an earthquake. In his graphic revelations, Abernathy said, “buildings crumbled, freeways buckled, water gushed up from cracks in the ground and vol canoes erupted in the nearby mountains. Then the destruction m oved north toward San Francisco.” In two subse quent visions, Abernathy saw an air plane ticket stamped with the word “ Atlanta.” Taking this as divine direc tion, he led 180 members of his congre gation on a migration to Atlanta last month. They traveled not by airplane, however, but in cars with trailers. Before leaving California, Abernathy repeated his vision to several other P e n te c o s ta l congregations. Most of them, too, have decided to move. Last month more than 100 members of a church in Avenal, 50 miles southwest of Fresno, emigrated to Kennett, Mo. A 50-member congregation in Porter ville transferred to Independence, Mo. One hundred members of a church in Lompoc also trekked to Georgia. The Rev. Robert Theobold, pastor of the Friendly Bible Apostolic Church at Port Hueneme, plans to resettle his congregation of 90 men, women and children in Murfreesboro, Tenn. Theo bold, who claims to have received mys tical confirmation of Abernathy’s vision, believes that the earthquakes “ will leave. Southern California like Sodom and Gomorrah before the end of 1970.” Theobold says that his flock will leave before Oct. 12, “the deadline given me by God for departure.” While there are personal hardships involved, members of the emigrating churches are convinced that they are obeying God’s will in leaving their homes and jobs. They also believe that Southern California has only itself to blame for the imminent disaster. Pastor Theobold despairingly cites “ the amount of wickedness here: Hollywood, big business, p r o s p e r it y , homosexuality, topless places.” If the horrible event happens, seismologists will not be sur prised. They have repeatedly warned
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David Wilkerson turns weakness into strength... In his new book, David Wilkerson gives realistic counsel to adults: the woman in love with a married man, the homosexual, the dedi cated yet troubled Ch ristian . Translating his uniquely success ful Teen Challenge approach into adult terms, he honestly shares his own temptations and inadequa cies, and points the way to victory in the Christian life. —
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E d it o r ’ s N o t e : The February issue of THE KING’S BUSINESS carried an editorial by Dr. Samuel H. Sutherland which has been reprinted in numerous periodicals and newspapers throughout Southern California. One such paper, THE INDEPENDENT PRESS TELE GRAM. published in Long Beach, Cali fornia, reprinted excerpts from the edir torial and invited readers to send in their reactions. While the majority of comments concerning the editorial were very favorable, there were several op posing viewpoints. We reprint them in the interest of the readers of THE KING’S BUSINESS. Dr. Suherland speaks of “total pro miscuity evidenced on every hand, even among the so-called respectable citi zenry of the community and alas, to be found in some church circles also,” and implies that the great majority of mid dle class young marrieds are engaged in key clubs and wife swapping. Perhaps the good man should stop reading the covers of the “ I Confess” type of magazines in the drug stores, and get into the real world of average people, where, to be sure, there may be such goings on among a fringe of the jet setty crowd. The rest of us ordinary mortals, Dr. Sutherland, do not have the time, energy, money, and oppor tunity to spare from making a living, bringing up our children, and taking care of our homes — even if we had such inclinations. He attacks “ the freedom allowed in making and showing of modern motion pictures.” Would any literate adult care to have Dr. Sutherland’s defini tion of “modern” determine what films he or she could or could not see? Mrs. R. Thomas, Long Beach “ Producers know full well that the American public would never pay to see a good, clean, wholesome picture,” says Dr. Sutherland. Did he ever hear of Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music, the two biggest money makers of the past few years? Mike O'Neal, Long Beach Well, three cheers for playing up the Biola’s president’s speech. Whether or not things are as bad as in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, the way some movies and TV programs are going we may be heading in that direction, and a word of warning is not amiss. R.SJ.r Lakewood Come now, Dr. Sutherland. The state of things is surely bad enough so you do not have to claim that if a minister preached against sin his congregation would demand his resignation! Was that the First Satanic Church you were referring to? Let’s not talk nonsense. A Minister, Long Beach The harshly puritanical stance of clergymen of Dr. Sutherland’s persua sion is one of the causes of today’s THE KING'S BUSINESS
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“ Sodom and Gomorrah.” The grim, joy less and intellectually unacceptable views of such pastors cause many to turn from the churches. Such refugees from intolerable religion often go to excess in their search for some meaning in life. Fortunately, Christianity oifers some thing better than these bleak alterna tives of Puritanism and hell-raising. Christianity rightly understood, is a doctrine of joy, courage, reason, and love. There are Christians who find no attraction to either rigidity or flesh- pots. They have something better to do with their lives. Long Beach NEGATIVE EDITORIALS I have taken THE KING’S BUSI NESS for years, and I just love every article except lately the editor must be getting up on the wrong side of the bed. He ranted about the past adminis tration and also the Council of Church es. I think it would do him good to read and reread John 17. Christ never sepa rated us. We do'that. The only way to live as He taught is not to think our church or congregation is better than others. My church believes as the dis ciples taught; we refuse no one, no second baptizing; we baptize into Christ. Esther Reger, San Jose, California ENJOY MAGAZINE The time has finally come when I am doing what I have intended to do for a long time — mainly, to write and tell you what a continual source of bless ing THE KING’S BUSINESS MAGA ZINE is to me, my family, and those to whom I pass it on. We are delighted with it, from the beautiful covers right on through to the end. Dr. Sutherland’s editorials are more than worth the price of the magazine. Mrs. Nick Lehman, Ninilchik, Alaska Although time is at a premium here, I felt I should write to thank you and the unknown donor for the subscription to THE KING’S BUSINESS Maga zine. We have enjoyed it thoroughly the past year. Please accept our sincere appreciation. K. L., Kowloon City, Hong Kong APPRECIATE COVERS Just a note of appreciation for the lovely cover photos on THE KING’S BUSINESS. I have framed two of them and given one framed as a gift. A Kansas City Reader THANKS We express our grateful appreciation for co-operation in the forwarding of back number magazines, and for the ad in KING’S BUSINESS soliciting voluntarily your subscribers to forward back numbers; it worked profitably on this end. Hundreds have been received. May the Lord bless as abundantly. One bundle of magazines came from a Mr. Wiebe of San Paulo, Brazil, some from California every few days. Lyln Gregory, Dallas, Texas
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9
JUNE, 1969
M a r r i a g e i s , o f c o u r s e , a s o l d a s t h e r a c e , and from earliest times man has established customs and ceremonies in connection with it. Christianity began when “ the Word was made flesh,” and it has been a part of the genius of Christianity to lift and ennoble all natural things. We believe intensely in the sacramental character of marriage — as a natural thing which is transformed by the touch o f God, and as one of the ways in which God makes Himself known in the world. The marriage services carries more than the rite by which two persons are united: it carries also the Christian philosophy of marriage. It is “ holy matrimony” in which they are to be joined, an “honor able estate.” “ Instituted of God,” it signifies to us “ the mystical union that is between Christ and His Church.” It would be difficult to think of a higher conception o f marriage than this. The service goes on, “ and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but rev erently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God.” Here is set forth the frame of mind in which marriage is to be undertaken. The three points seem to be : seriousness, which considers how im portant a step marriage is ; wisdom, which looks all around the picture before taking the step; and faith, which acts in this great matter only with the approval and help o f God. 10 THE KING'S BUSINESS
We might, in the light o f this philosophy, see what are the tests for a true marriage to be under taken. The first test is the mutual attraction of human love—the natural side o f marriage. This attraction includes physical, intellectual, and social factors. Emotional factors are likely to be more prominent in the early stages, while social and intellectual rapport deepens with time. No marriage is com plete without real human love, but no marriage long remains complete which is based only on sex ual attraction. In days like ours, when the ties of marriage are so lightly broken, there is more dan ger that physical and emotional factors be consid ered the only ones that matter, and if these decline, to look upon the marriage as a failure. The second test is the bond of common inter ests. Of course, differing interests enrich a mar riage if there is a basic unity and loyalty, but some common concern is essential. Children may provide it, but sometimes children suffer the consequences of their parents not having found it. One of the wisest words on marriage I know comes from Dr. William E. Hocking of Harvard: “The only being you can love is the being who has an independent object of worship, and who holds you out o f your self-indulgence to a worship of that same object.” So far as I can see, there is only one “object of worship” with an equal claim upon all people, and that is God. The basic factor in loyalty to each other is loyalty to God. The one Power that can cement a relationship, giving it one common purpose, and changing differences to enrichments instead of barriers, is God. Every human relation, but especially marriage, should be, not like two dots at the end o f a line, but like two angles at the base of a triangle, with God as the apex. The third test then becomes the readiness of each person to take spiritual responsibility for the other person. This implies a maturity that can come only from a real experience of God in one’s own life. It requires an objectivity that is not influ enced by emotional factors, nor those o f self-inter est, but sees the other person clearly, lovingly, and creatively. In this sense, no one is fit for marriage who is not fully adult; and no one is fully adult who is not spiritually aware. That is why so many marriages fail today—the partners are so immature, so selfish, so unschooled in real living that they cannot take spiritual re sponsibility for each other or for their children. That is why the proportion o f marriages that suc ceed between definitely religious people is vastly higher than between people who care nothing for God. God in your life means maturity. Maturity is the basis for responsibility. Willingness and the capacity to take spiritual responsibility for the other person are parts of the test of a thoroughly happy and unselfish marriage.
The fourth test of whether a marriage is in tended between two people lies in whether it makes them love other people more, or love them less. Show me a love that is today so selfish it wants to feed only on itself, and share none of its happiness with others, and I will show you a marriage that will be tomorrow so selfish it will sicken o f its own satiety. A really great human love does not drain off all one’s affections in one direction: it increases and enhances one’s love for all. Every man and wife should be “father” and “mother” to many besides their own children, and every home should be the joy o f many besides those who live in it. This kind of unselfishness' should be in a relationship from the beginning; and if it is not there, it should be sought as essential to a true, lasting, happy, and creative marriage. How, then, can we create Christian homes? First, they must have God at the head of them. Not father or mother—important as their respon sibility is; not some yammering youngster; not somebody’s temper, or somebody’s tears. But God the Head, the deciding factor. They must be homes where God is talked about, loved, and His will sought by all. Human nature being what it is, there are bound to be clashes o f temperament and differ ences of opinion. We do not want homes where there is so much law that there is no freedom. Neither do .we want homes where there is so much freedom that there is no law. There is but one final law and it is the law of God. Parents are subject to this as well as children. Parents get away from it as well as children do, and must be willing to admit it to each other and to their children. When an issue arises, instead of hot tempers and shrill voices, let us get onto our knees and ask God what He wants. We need steady provision for our personal prayers, and then at some time in the day for family prayers, as well. Husbands and wives should begin their married life with daily prayers together. Second, we need homes that are characterized by homely virtues. Thrift needs to come into many homes: not niggardliness, but economy which will make more generosity possible, using all of every thing. Hospitality must be there: open hearts and open doors; not a selfish retiring into our own pri vacy all the time, but a sharing o f food and friend ship with others. Responsibility is needed: everyone with some home duties which he fulfills, which gets the work done and makes all feel needed and useful. Hon esty is essential: honesty about money, and about deeper feelings. Consideration we must have: re membering that everyone’s plan and interests are important to him, and helping him to fulfill them unselfishly. Self-giving there must be: paying attention to others, taking an interest in what interests them,
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JUNE, 1969
They started to read their Bibles at home, and came to church fairly regularly. They were increasingly open to the whole Christian claim on them. One day Jim said, “My wife and I want to make our full Christian decision, and we think now would be a good time to do it. Can we get together after one of the services?” I said, “Of course,” and the three of us went into the chapel and knelt at the altar rail. After a short time, Jim began to pray aloud, saying something like this : “Dear God, this is Mary and Jim and Sam. Mary and I are strangers to You. We want- to come in now and be a part o f Your big family, and we hope You will take us in.” Then Mary said a prayer as simple and moving as her husband’s, and I prayed for them. A couple of weeks later I talked with Jim about his next steps. He and Mary were both keeping regular times for prayer and Bible study in the morning, and they were coming steadily to church. I asked how this was working out in daily contacts. He told me that they had taken God fully into part nership in their business, and were asking Him for guidance, and felt they had never done such good work. Moreover their friends had noticed such a change in them that they remarked on it. He said, “ I failed this week to tell one person who asked me what it was, I just flunked it; but I have talked with several more and they are greatly interested. We just tell them honestly what has happened and what Christ is doing for us.” I then asked him whether he had yet surren dered his bank account to God, and he said, “Not altogether — what do you think we ought to do about that?” I said that I had for years tithed, giving at least one tenth o f my income to God’s direct work, and that most people who did this found it a blessing. We said no more then ; two weeks later my wife and I were having dinner with them, and Jim said, “Mary and I have thought over what you said. We are going to tithe, too.” Think of it—young Christians, new to this life, yet already tithing their income, and witnessing gladly to their friends about what Christ had done for them. A few thousand couples like that could lift the level of this nation. Will you and the person to whom you are married begin? Yours can be as dynamic and wonderful an experience as Jim’s and Mary’s has been. Reprinted from MARRIAGE IS FOR LIVING. Published by Zondervan. Used with permission. □ E
giving them time. And we need plenty o f good play between young and old. Third, Christian homes must he homes where people are growing spiritually. When two people settle down to be what Chesterton calls “ their own petty little selves,” it becomes about as exciting as for two bricks to settle down beside each other in a wall. Unless you have a spiritual motivation, un less God is in your life, working with you, helping you to grow, you become an unutterable bore, a continuous repetition of yourself. When no one in the family can get after you for your moods or your habits, when you have fenced yourself off from correctives from God and the people nearest you, you are dead inside and might as well be dead outside. Only God keeps peo ple growing. And only growing, being more and more different from our old selfish selves, keeps us from being impossible to live with. Fourth, they should he homes where other peo ple find new life and spirit. If two people, and their children, are under God, there will be something attractive and creative about the home in which they live. When God is present, there is no missing Him. Surely He wants to use the homes He has blessed, that other homes may be blessed through them. Many homes are without God. Let us pray that the contagion of Christian homes may pass over to those that are darker because they lack God. There is something definitely sacramental, “an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace,” about a really Christian marriage, and the spirit of it becomes contagious. * * * Having taken this cursory look at some aspects of what might be called a “ Christian” marriage, let us see how one young couple got started in such a relationship. We shall call him “ Jim” and his wife “Mary,” though these are not their names. I met them when they were planning to be married. I also knew Jim’s brother and his wife, and all four were at tractive, capable people, able to hold up their end in this world. I was drawn to Jim and Mary. They asked me to adivse them about some things, and we became friends. Later they began coming to church once in a while, and my wife and I invited them to a cou ples’ group which met on Sunday evenings where we talked informally about Christ and the rele vance of religion today. They knew very little and asked elementary questions, but with increased knowledge and continued exposure, they became more interested and began to attend regularly.
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h0m^ S t T S God - tha i S “ nd planned and pat- ordamed and P ^ depends terned i t .u n sChools, gov- the church,husines ’ tion itself! emment, even the nataon The establishing . ^ar. family is the world. It is f» ^ Gate or y er- signing the Go „ idge far razano N a rr composing “Silent greater than “The Last Night,” or “big Supper.” , A great family business.” maintaining a Establishing and nrmn Christian home mahe in a contribution am i had never lifetime. And my wife discovered this truth, t o had I could sense the warn mg that existed between the chi
WeVe hn\A like° to ask if you can we would lik of test we suggest some„eives. We want our tme to have the al climate’ i 0“ f ^ a s a good This is good. That was letter. H e r e y^? t * n c e of reh ! tT v e t e n saying in these what iv e They had s s r s ® - ' —
Never have I ” ^ 4 aa far as hav- ing'any understanding of his own iMS y' „.id h ? I hept aaktoi H° ; S could this “business myself. How disinterested giant” be completely disinter
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nine psychology and to help her through her varying moods? 10. Do you tell her at least once a day that you love her, and act as though you mean it? 11. Do you give spiritual leader ship to your family? 12. Do you encourage your wife to talk things out? FOR WIVES 1. Do you try to make the home interesting, attractive, cheerful, a place of rest and relaxation? Do you devote as much thought and study to that as you would a job “ downtown” ? 2. Do you encourage your hus band to spend some time with his men friends? 3. Do you serve meals that are enticing in variety and attractive ness? 4. Do you handle household fi nances in a businesslike way? 5. Do you keep yourself attrac tive in appearance so that your husband may be proud to have everyone know you are his wife? 6. Are you a good sport: cheerful and uncomplaining, punctual, not nagging, not insisting on having your own way or the last word, not making a fuss over trifles or requiring your husband to solve minor problems that you should handle alone? 7. Do you bolster your husband’s ego, not comparing him unfavor ably with more successful men but making him feel that he is successful?
can often be helpful in uncover ing hidden motives and feelings. Here is the test we recommend to the young couple who asked for one. See how you rate! FOR HUSBANDS 1. Do you allow your wife an ap propriate amount o f the family income to spend as she chooses, without account? 2. Do you still “ court” her with an occasional gift of flowers: by remembrances of birthdays and anniversaries; by unexpected at tentions ? 3. Are you co-operative in han dling the children, taking your full share of responsibility and also backing her up? 4. Do you make it a point never to criticize her before others? 5. Do you share many of your rec reation hours with her? 6. Do you show interest in and encourage her to develop intel lectually? 7. Do you show as much consid eration for and courtesy to her relatives as you do your own? 8. Do you enter sympathetically into her plans for social activities, trying to do your full share as a host in your own home? And when you are a guest in the homes of others, do you try to make her appear to the best possible advan tage? 9. Do you make an effort to un derstand the peculiarities o f femi
our kids grow up in is all that important, then we’d better get with it. We don’t have that much time. We’d better evaluate our selves as parents and, if we find we need to improve (and who doesn’t ), we had better do some thing about it.” In this letter I could sense an honesty, a real desire to measure up to what God expects of par ents to whom He has given this most responsible of all tasks: bringing up a child to know, love and serve Him. Of course our first responsibil ity is to God. We have to see ourselves in His mirror, the Bible. In Jeremiah 17:9 (Amplified Bible) we read, “ The heart is de ceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally s ick !” When we realize this truth, we are far less prone to think of our marriage partner as being the “ one wrong” in any situation. When Christ comes into our lives, He gives us a new set of values. This is the basis o f true self-analysis. Accepting Christ is the founda tion for understanding our own human tendencies. As we take Him at His word and are truthful with God, we become truthful with ourselves. A good marriage has to have these elements of truth and hon esty. Periodic check-ups, rating sheets and self-evaluation tests,
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