T A L K I N O with Dr, Clyde
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, Hew York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of one of America's
largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Pasadena, California.
punish you, but because of the great need in her heart. When she comes back to you, be kind to her. Try not to bring up the things of the past They are done. Try to overlook this as much as possible. If you will pray about this, God will give you the grace to treat her as you should. Life has an interesting way of changing as the years go by. Who knows what joy you may be able to bring into her life, and her hus band’s? Although he is of a different faith, he may come to know Christ also and the whole family might be a great blessing to all humanity. This young couple is just starting out and even though they’ve started wrong, God can use them, change them, and make everything right. CH ILD HAS FEARS Q. What should we do fo r our nine- year-old daughter who has night mares . . . usually about snakes in her bed? She keeps looking for them and does not want to stretch out her legs fo r fear she will touch them. Unless the light is on and I stay with her, she cannot go to sleep. Her first nightmare occurred at the age of three. A t that time there was a great deal of adjustment in our lives, since my husband accepted a position in another state and we lived in four different households before we be came settled in our own. We had a new baby, and my mother became seriously ill. We often pray together about this. Any helpful suggestions you may have w ill truly be appreci ated. A. You are already doing some very good things. You’re talking with her, having prayer with her, staying with her and letting the light stay on. It may take two or three years before your daughter will outgrow this, so
it will require patience and under standing without which it could be come much worse. Allow a soft light to remain on in the room, then you or her father stay with her a while and encourage her to talk this thing out. What has caused this may be difficult to deter mine. It may be that she has read or heard stories about snakes. She may have seen snakes and so dis liked them it has become a big prob lem with her. On the other hand, this might be what we call a “ floating anxiety.” sometimes a person has a fear which has developed because of traumatic experience and then it shows itself in various ways later on. For ex ample, a child can be terribly fright ened by a dog. Though he may later have no fear of dogs, it may transfer itself to darkness or other things. This fear or phobia floats around in his mind and attaches itself to some thing else. Your daughter’s basic problem, therefore, may have noth ing to do with snakes. What you are doing is excellent. Keep it up, and encourage her to talk freely about it. May I suggest also the possibility that this may have been heightened by the turmoil in the family and your moves from place to place. This will often give a sense of insecurity in a child and result in psychological problems. If the problem isn’t resolved after a time, I would suggest you take the girl to a Christian psychologist. He can give her tests which will reveal deeper clinical insight. You might add to the excellent way you are already handling this by softly singing the verse of a com forting hymn such as "God Will Take Care of You,” or “ Simply Trusting Every Day.” Add a verse of Scripture like Isaiah 41:13.
W ILLFUL DAUGHTER Q. How shall we treat our wayward daughter who against our wishes and direction left home and married a hoy of a different faith? We are Christians and we are praying for the right direction. We lost our hold upon her when she became 18 and self-supporting. Many times in her childhood and teen years she used the expression, “I feel on the outside looking in.” Is it possible that we are responsible for this feeling? She has now indicated to us that she would like to come home for a visit. What should our attitude be? A. You should welcome your daugh ter home with open arms! Even though she has done the wrong thing in defiance of your direction, life is not over for her. She is only 19. If the Lord tarries, she will someday be 20 and then 30, 40, 50, 60. Throughout her life she will need you and your love. So you should accept this girl and do all you can to help her. You mentioned something which tells us quite a bit. All throughout her childhood and as a teenager your daughter felt as if she were on the outside looking in. She never felt inside the family circle. Undoubted ly, that is the reason she did not listen to you, but rather listened to the sweet nothings of the boy who took her away and married her. She evidently found in him what she had not found in her life before. This is true of so many people. When there is a great need in their lives, they reach for anything they can, overlooking important factors. Her need was so great she took ref uge in this boy by marrying him. Now she wants to come home for a visit! I would accept her lovingly, realizing she did not run away to
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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