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“ It was love at first sight, ” Sam said to me. Mary was a
waitress at the local diner. Sam was a young, athletic kid who had just enlisted in the Army.
He remembers Mary’s pink dress, her hazel eyes, the smell of bold coffee, and the sound of bacon sizzling on the grill. He was shy, but by the time Sam ate his eggs, he got up the nerve to ask Mary to a Halloween party. She said, “ Yes. ” When he picked her up in his father’s Chevy Fleetmaster, Mary strolled to the door dressed like a princess (“ She was a princess, ” he says). Sam was decked out in his finest black suit and his father’s fedora tilted to the left, doing his best impression of Al Capone.
The answers lie in a confusing legal area called elder law, which deals with legal issues that affect seniors and their families. For example: Am I better off with a Will or Living Trust? How can I minimize income and estate taxes? How can I protect my home and life savings from long-term care costs? Who will make financial and medical decisions if I can’t make them myself? How can I avoid probate court? The questions seem infinite. Sam and I will discuss having Mary assessed by a professional to understand all potential care options. We will discuss veterans’ benefits available for Mary’s care at home or in an assisted living community. If Mary needs skilled nursing care, we will talk about options where Sam and Mary can protect their home and life savings using available government benefits. No, they don’t have to spend their life savings. No, they won’t lose their home. There is so much confusion about long-term care issues, and Sam is wise to educate himself about all the options before making these important decisions. Mary sits next to Sam in my office, sipping a mug of black coffee, wearing a pink dress far different than the one she wore the day she met Sam. It is wrinkled and stained with traces of this morning’s breakfast — coffee leaks over the edge of the mug onto Mary’s dress. Sam patiently dabs a napkin on the spill, brushes Mary’s hair out of her eyes, and adjusts her bifocals. Mary’s hazel eyes are empty; she seems not to notice. “ Mary, it’s me ,” Sam says softly. “ Can you squeeze my hand? ” Mary’s eyes are still, and her head doesn’t move. But I can see the back of her frail hand tense as she presses ever so slightly on Sam’s hand, while at the same time, a tear leaks from Sam’s eye, and a faint smile creases his weathered face. I’m reminded of an old Greek proverb: “ A heart that loves is always young. ”
Their courtship was interrupted by Sam’s service in the war, but, as Sam says, “ I’m a lucky man. She waited for me. ” Mary did wait. Over four years. In an era with no cellphones and no instant media, Mary rushed to the phone every time it rang, hoping for the best but ready for the worst. Then, Sam was home. A whirlwind romance led to a scorching August wedding. Soon they were raising two sons and, as Sam puts it, “ Life happened. ” That was over 60 years ago. Today, Mary has advanced dementia, and Sam has questions: How can I make sure that Mary gets the best care? If Mary needs nursing care outside the home, will we lose our home and money?
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Yes, Habit Tracking Actually Works!
THE EASY WAY TO STAY MOTIVATED
Back in the 1980s and ’90s, almost every sports movie included a training montage — and no montage was complete without a giant paper calendar hanging on the hero’s wall. As time ticked by and the big game or contest approached, the hero crossed the days out one by one. Each square was a success, and it was another day of training down! It sounds silly, but according to habit expert and “Atomic Habits” author James Clear, that giant calendar isn’t just movie magic. It actually works! For some people, tracking their habits — literally writing down their successes and failures in order to keep a record — is an effective way to build and stick with new routines, like New Year’s resolutions. In his book, Clear writes that habit tracking works because it makes a particular behavior “obvious, attractive, and satisfying.” Tracking our habits in a visible place (like a calendar on the wall) reminds us to keep our “streak” of good behavior alive and holds us accountable if we mess up. It also just feels good to cross a square off of the calendar.
“The most effective form of motivation is progress,” Clear explains. “When we get a signal that we are moving forward, we become more motivated to continue down that path. In this way, habit tracking can have an additive effect on motivation. Every small win feeds your desire.” You don’t need to use a ’90s calendar to track your habits in 2022. Instead, Clear recommends leveraging technology to make tracking as easy as possible. If you want to build better spending habits, put your credit card statements (which track your spending automatically) front and center. If you want to take more steps each day, buy a Fitbit so you don’t have to count them. That said, if you go the pen-and-paper route — or prefer an Excel spreadsheet — Clear suggests tracking your habit immediately after you finish it. That way, you’ll associate your positive behavior with the rush of satisfaction you get from checking a day off the calendar.
To learn more about Clear’s methods and download his free Habit Tracker Template, visit AtomicHabits.com/tracker .
3 Ways to Deep-Clean Your Head Space
becomes stretched to the limit, and many thoughts race through your head simultaneously. Talk about exhausting!
As defined by Webster’s Dictionary, purification is the act of making something pure and free of contaminants. Traditionally, February is known as the month of purification, but this doesn’t always mean a physical cleaning — it can also mean a figurative cleaning. Resetting and rebooting your mind when feeling bogged down and stressed out is a great way to clear your mental clutter and improve your health and mindset. Here are some great ways to free up your cognitive workspace and ditch stress and anxiety. Reduce multitasking. Focusing on more than one task at a time can be efficient and help you move through your to-do list at a faster pace, but it isn’t always as effective as taking it one step at a time. When you multitask, your mental bandwidth
Be mindful. Being present in the moment will not only help you stay focused but also slow down and enjoy the present without negative background thoughts. No
matter what you’re doing, thinking about grocery lists, a phone call you had earlier at work, or how to entertain your guests over the weekend can wait! Write it down. When your mind becomes “full,” and it feels like there is just no more room for new thoughts or information, it may be time to determine what thoughts create the most stress and write them down. Whether you use a journal, a scrap piece of paper, or a dry-erase board, writing down your thoughts can reduce mental clutter and help you to feel less bogged down. In the hustle and bustle of our busy lives, it only makes sense that we all have minds full of thoughts and information, but an overload is never a good thing! Be sure to take some time here and there to clean it out and purify your head space!
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Bad habits — they’re almost inevitable! No matter who you are, you likely have a habit or two that could and should be kicked to the curb. Bad habits can interrupt your day-to-day life, harm relationships, and present a considerable obstacle to accomplishing your goals and dreams. If we know that bad habits are detrimental, why do we continue to do them? Simply put, they can be hard to cut out of our lives or quit cold turkey. Here are some tips to eliminate bad habits and be one step closer to a better version of your best self. Replace the habit. Instead of just eliminating a bad habit, replace it with a good one! Most people engage in damaging practices out of boredom or stress. So, if you plan ahead and devise a replacement activity for the next time you are bored or feeling overwhelmed, you eventually will ditch your dirty habit! Eliminate triggers. One of the most common bad habits is watching too much television. If each time you sit on the couch next to the TV remote you want to watch the television, hide the remote! This way, the next time you find your way to the couch, you won’t feel tempted or triggered to get lost in an hour of TV time! Find accountability. Have you tried quitting a bad habit on your own before and found it difficult? Sometimes, all you need is an extra person to hold you accountable. If, for example, your goal is to quit smoking, have a friend or partner keep track of how many days you’ve gone without a cigarette. Knowing that someone else is counting on you and keeping track is a powerful motivator! Bad Habit, Be Gone! 3 Tips to Eliminate Bad Habits
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Helpful Resources • Is your estate plan up to date? Ask us about our FREE Estate Planning Checkup. Call our office or email Julie@mtolaw.com.
• Don’t miss Glenn on “Senior Law
Radio,” WHMI FM 93.5 every Sunday at 8 a.m. You can also listen live (or to previous shows) on WHMI.com.
• Questions about your money? Do you need help with your financial goals, investment management, or retirement planning? Glenn has partnered with his personal financial advisor, Brad Jerome, to bring expert financial services to our clients. Brad meets with you right in our office — no cost, no obligation, and no pressure. Just an opportunity to discuss your goals with a top-notch financial advisor to see where your path might lead. You can reach Brad directly at 517.301.3070. • Let us be your trusted advisor for all your legal matters. We have grown with the referrals we receive from our clients. We want to return the favor by helping you find a great attorney outside the field of estate planning, elder law, and probate. Our clients often call us in need of an attorney who focuses on personal injury, auto accidents, elder and nursing home abuse, workers’ compensation, Social Security disability, and many other areas. To get the best results, you need an experienced attorney to help. If you want a referral, call our office or email Julie@mtolaw.com. We are glad to help!
Bad habits can be tough to break, but if you’re truly ready to kick yours to the curb, give one or all of these tips a try — you’ll be glad you did!
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What’s Inside? 1 A 60-Year Love Story
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Retrain Your Brain With Habit Tracking
Purify Your Mind
Ditch Bad Habits
Helpful Resources
Brushing Up on Cruise Etiquette
Know Your Cruise Etiquette Before Setting Sail
After a slump in 2020 and 2021, cruises are back in a big way. If you’re planning your first onboard adventure — or it’s been a while since you last set sail — now is the time to brush up on your cruise ship etiquette. Every passenger should read their cruise line’s policies to ensure they know all the specifics before climbing aboard. In the meantime, we’ve listed some of the most essential do’s and don’ts for the savvy traveler.
cruise wear should be casual but tasteful, leaving you looking put together. Most importantly, don’t overpack — the stateroom is smaller than you think. Don’t be a chair hog. Everyone wants a prime spot on the sundeck, but you’ve got to rise early in the morning to get one. That’s fine if you can manage it, but “saving” a seat by putting a towel on it and then wandering away for breakfast or a mani-pedi is the best way to get on your fellow travelers’ bad side. Your cruise may also have a policy against it. Going to the bathroom is one thing; you’re only human. Otherwise, if you want the seat, stay in it. Be on time. Treat your cruise ship like an airplane — if you’re not on time, it’s probably leaving without you. And if you are lucky enough to have the ocean liner wait, your fellow passengers won’t look at you kindly. Set your watch to ship time (not local time) and prepare to be back an hour before the deadline. That way, if you happen to be late, you’ll still be on time. You may miss out on an extra drink or souvenir shop, but nothing will ruin your cruise faster than being left behind at the dock.
Know what to wear. Some cruise lines aim for a fancy
atmosphere, while others prefer a casual approach. Ideally, review the dress policy before you book your trip. Bring at
least one formal outfit in your luggage for dinner, which tends to have an upscale vibe. The rest of your
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