End-of-Life Doulas: Care for Crossing Over ON THE PATH
waves of grief, sorrow, pain, guilt, anger, and nostalgia happen all at once… “regular life” is no longer real. The grieving becomes real, and LWHEEVDQGÀRZVZLWKQRVWHSE\VWHSIRUPXOD Just as birth has an impact on our loved ones, death also has an im- SDFWRQRXUORYHGRQHVLQFOXGLQJWKHRQHLQKLVKHU¿QDOVWDJHV$QG while in birth we woo and swoon, smelling and touching the precious little bundle of joy that enters this world, and care for the mother to ensure her rest and recuperation in this beautiful milestone of life, we steer clear of the same when it comes to the elderly and the dying. /HW¶VGHOYHGHHSHU&RQVLGHUWKHKXPDQDWKLVKHUHQGRIOLIHZKR may be overwhelmed at the thought of leaving this earth. Consider also the loved ones that surround him, but they may be exhausted with OLWWOHRUQRKHOSZKHQFDULQJIRUWKHLUOLIHOLPLWLQJORYHGRQH+RZFDQ you manage all those raw emotions in place while the human is still alive when they are not openly discussed, or are being tip-toed around OHDGLQJXSWRWKH¿QDOGD\V":KHUHLVWKHFUHDWLRQRIDVDFUHGVSDFH ¿OOHGZLWKVRRWKLQJVRXQGVFDOPOLJKWLQJDQGWKHORYHEURXJKWE\YLV - itors; yet also allows for the near-death human her respective time to rest, to get acquainted with the other side, to reconnect with loved ones who have since passed but are arriving to help navigate the pass- ing energetically? Where is the encouragement to the loved ones that it is ok to release any emotional chords that are keeping the end stages patient holding on? Where is the respite care of the primary caregivers NHHSLQJYLJLOKRXUVDGD\ZLWKOLWWOHWRQRKHOS":KHUHLVWKHFRQ - versation about the upcoming transition to ease the day-to-day where possible? Naturally, there are variables in all lives, all situations, all scenar- ios. Not everyone has the luxury of caring directly for their parents, grandparents or other loved ones. Not everyone has the compassion RUWKH¿QDQFLDOVWDELOLW\RUWKHWLPHWRGRWKLV)XUWKHUPRUHLQWRGD\¶V society, there aren’t enough formally trained caregivers to go around. +RVSLFH FDUH LV DPD]LQJ KRZHYHU WKH GHPDQG RIWHQ RXWVWULSV WKH DYDLODEOHQXUVLQJVWD̆ VXSSO\OHDYLQJOLWWOHURRPIRUWKHUHVSLWHFDUH of the primary caregivers, much less that of simply being, sitting and sharing space with the patient. 7KLVLVZKHUHDQ(QGRI/LIH'RXODFRPHVLQDVDVROXWLRQDYDLODEOH WRIDPLOLHVZKRVHORYHGRQHVDUHQHDULQJWKHVH¿QDOVWDJHV$Q(QG RI/LIH'RXODWKHLUFDUHWHDPDQGQHWZRUNFDQEHRILPPHQVHKHOS² sharing space, gracefully communicating, providing support, creating DVDFUHGVSDFHDQGR̆ HULQJKROLVWLFPRGDOLWLHVWRHDVHIHDUVSDLQDQG PRUH WKLQN5HLNLHQHUJ\FOHDQVLQJWDSSLQJ*XLGHG,PDJHU\+\S - nosis). All it takes is awareness that there is help available and many Empaths of this world naturally lead in this direction as a full-time job or simply to help their community. Data and Duties For An End-of-Life Doula $Q (QGRI/LIH 'RXOD LV DQ LQGLYLGXDO ZKR KHOSV SHRSOH QHDULQJ death prepare emotionally and spiritually, providing non-medical ho- OLVWLFKHOSWRWKH&OLHQWDQGWKHLUVXSSRUWV\VWHP LQFOXGLQJ5HVSLWH &DUH $V,1(/'$ ,QWHUQDWLRQDO(QGRI/LIH'RXOD$VVRFLDWLRQ FRP - PXQLFDWHVLW ³,QRXUPRGHUQZHVWHUQZD\RIOLIHZLWKWKHGLVEXUVH - ment of families, multiple generations no longer living together, the over dependence on technology, and the bias embedded in our health- care system, people have lost touch with the naturalness of dying and how best to support people going through it. As a result, too many SHRSOHGLHLQIHDUDQGXQQHFHVVDU\VX̆ HULQJ´ 7KHPDLQWDVNRIDQ(QGRI/LIH'RXODLVWRR̆ HUHPRWLRQDOVXS - SRUW ,Q HYHU\ ZRUG WRXFK DSSURDFK DQG PHWKRG XVHG ZH EULQJ careful attention to the inner well-being of our clients. We believe in people. We honor life and the mysterious enigma of death. Our aim LV WR OLVWHQ GHHSO\ DQG SURYLGH SHUVRQDOL]HG QRQMXGJPHQWDO FDUH WR promote our clients’ growth and sense of agency. Some important facts for you to consider:
BY JENNIE SIKES :KHQKHDULQJWKHZRUG³'RXOD´ZKDWLPPHGLDWHO\FRPHVWRPLQG" 0RVWRIWHQD%LUWK'RXODRUD0LGZLIH%LUWK'RXODVKDYHVXSSRUWHG KXPDQNLQG VLQFH LWV FUHDWLRQ 7KH WHUP VSHFL¿FDOO\ FRPHV IURP WKH *UHHNZRUG GRXOŋ DQGWUDQVODWHVWR³IHPDOHKHOSHU´:KDWDQDPD]LQJ calling, to be a part of a mother and child’s journey and that of their loved ones, in this earth plane, providing physical, emotional and spir- itual support before, during and after. 7KHUHLVDQRWKHUW\SHRIOHVVHUNQRZQ'RXOD²DQ(QGRI/LIH'RX - ODRU'HDWK0LGZLIH%RWK%LUWK'RXODVDQG(QGRI/LIH'RXODVDUH VLPLODULQFDSDFLW\%RWKKDYHEHHQDURXQGVLQFHFUHDWLRQ GRXODHYHQ being noted in biblical times. As one is providing comfort and care to the mother and their child in the days leading up to and moments RIDQGDIWHUELUWK(QGRI/LIH'RXODVDUHQRQPHGLFDOSURIHVVLRQDOV that provide the same level of care for the elderly or terminally ill as WKH\ SUHSDUH WR FURVV RYHU %LUWK LV JUHHWHG ZLWK SODQQLQJ FRPSDV - sion, kindness, emotions, and holistic ways of easing the pain with the WUDQVLWLRQLQWRWKLVOLIH'HDWKVKRXOGEHFDWHUHGWRLQWKLVVDPHZD\ however, this is not always the case.
The Discomfort of Death 'HDWK LV D WRSLF PRVW DUH KHVLWDQW WR GLVFXVV ,W LV VKLHOGHG DZD\ IURPRXUUHDOLWLHV'HDWKUHSUHVHQWVRXUYXOQHUDELOLW\DQGWDNHVDZD\ IURPWKH,Q¿QLW\FRPSOH[DORWRIKXPDQVKDYH'HDWKFDQEHVFDU\ intimidating, and painful, and is not something one really wants to sit and think about. ,Q $PHULFDQ FXOWXUH ZKHUH WKHUH LV WKLV IHDU VXUURXQGLQJ DJLQJ and death, it’s not as common to care for the elderly during their end stages, unlike in other cultures around the world. Chinese children FDUHIRUWKHLUSDUHQWVLQROGDJH,Q,QGLDHOGHUVDUHWKHKHDGRIWKH IDPLO\DQGVHQGLQJWKHPWRDQROGDJHKRPHKDVDVRFLDOVWLJPD,Q DQFLHQW5RPHHOGHUVZHUHDSUHFLRXVUHVRXUFH1DWLYH$PHULFDQHO - GHUVSDVVGRZQWKHLUNQRZOHGJHDQGDFFHSWGHDWKDVDIDFWRIOLIH,Q .RUHDHOGHUVDUHKLJKO\UHVSHFWHG,QWKH$IULFDQ$PHULFDQFRPPX - nity, death is seen as an opportunity to celebrate life; the same holds WUXHLQ0H[LFDQFXOWXUH 0RVWRIXVDUHQRWWDXJKW²QRWE\IDPLO\RUFRQWHPSRUDU\VRFLHW\ — how to embrace death or even how to grieve. When someone has SDVVHGWKH\VLPSO\KDYHSDVVHG:HVHQGÀRZHUVDQGFDUGVRIV\P - pathy and comfort via text, phone or in person; or we make a casse- role or order evening meals to be delivered to the grieving, but we still PRYH RQ ZLWK RXU UHVSHFWLYH OLYHV +RZHYHU IRU WKH JULHYLQJ ZKHQ their loved one’s passing becomes their complete present reality, the
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PATHWAYS—Winter 22—17
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