T E X A R K A N A M A G A Z I N E
“ I could not trust my feelings becausemy feelings toldme I was about to die. It was like I was on the top of a building and I was leaning over the edge and someone hadme by the shirt collar. I didn’t know if they would let me go or not. ” —John Miller
JOHN MILLER John Miller and his wife, LaNell, have been pastors at Church on the Rock for 32 years. As Lead Pastor, Miller is not a stranger to the spotlight. He endeavors to use his position as an opportunity to share his testimony of God’s strength in his weakness, and God’s purpose in his pain. “The start of anxiety in my life came after my wife’s diagnosis with breast cancer,” Miller explained. “It was a huge blur for about ten days and, remarkably, I did great. LaNell had plenty of friends supporting her and taking her to appointments, and I continued to function in my role at church as normal. I remember even after the diagnosis, I was working 55-60 hours a week, six days a week. When she got on the other side, it was like a delayed stress-syndrome type of thing. I was preaching one Sunday morning about a year later, and after church, I started sweating and having heart palpitations. They took me to the hospital, where they almost apologetically told me they couldn’t find anything wrong. That is how my anxiety started, and it was a big pause in my life.” Miller explained that we all can get anxious, but there is a distinction between regular nerves and clinical anxiety. “Anxiety can be a good thing. It’s how God created us to cope with life. But it can become worse, and it became worse for me. I started having panic attacks, and I passed out several times in restaurants after church for no reason. That set me on a journey for an answer. Clearly, my relationship with God was impacted,
and I sought His help through it. But in the natural part of my life, I literally could not function. I had pushed myself to the edge. We took three months off and got out of town, and it still didn’t help. There was nothing I could do to find peace—nothing to help me take a deep breath and just feel normal again. It was like the chemicals in my brain, physiologically, got tangled.” Miller took the next steps and saw a Christian counselor and psychologist, along with medical professionals. “I had a wonderful Christian counselor who was very direct with me. He said, ‘You can’t just take a pill and make this go away. You’re going to have to fight this on your own as well, psychologically.’ So, it is using all the resources that really help me even today. I take medications, I pray, I do it all to make it and to cope. Depending on the level of anxiety, it determines how much you need to do. I think most anxiety can be handled through our relationship with God. But if there are chemical issues in your body that are making it difficult, then you’ve got to go another step and get medical care.” When asked to identify what the greatest help was to him during his darkest days, he confidently replied, “I could not have made it the last few years without my faith in God. I wish the anxiety would just go away. Even to this day I have struggles. But I found a depth in my relationship with God, and I’m relying on Him more today than I ever have in my entire life. I learned to not depend on myself. I could not trust my feelings because my feelings told
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