Scary (payroll) stories to tell in the dark
We’ve all experienced the payroll disaster – which despite the passage of time probably remains fresh and raw in our memory and brings tears to the eyes and a shudder at themerest mention
T o celebrate Halloween – the event, not the film – and to bring welcome tears of laughter (oh, and hopefully a little sympathy), members kindly sent in details of their own payroll nightmare. In these ghastly times we all need a laugh and an uplift in spirits! Here is a selection of those we received. The titles are broadly related to the content, and are horror genre film names. The links are to Wikipedia pages if you wish to read about the films.
afternoon off followed by a few days of leave, asked if I was okay. Being little Miss Confident, I said “Yes, all OK, last bit of payroll done”. Oh, she had faith in me! At 1.30pm on payday a very red-faced payroll manager – who looked as if she were about to collapse from lack of oxygen – entered the office shouting “Why has X been paid SMP along with a salary of £82,000 this month?” You could hear a pin drop as everyone looked at me turning as red as the payroll manager. I wished I could disappear, but I had to face this ferocious person. Not a nice experience for a nineteen-year old. It turns out I had input the SMP into Mr X’s payroll record, giving him an hourly rate of £470.00, and had not suppressed his salary. Nobody, including my supervisor – who was by now sunning herself somewhere – nor my team leader, the ash from the cigarette hanging from his lip now burning a hole in his tie, had checked. We were dragged over hot coals during a formal investigation. Terrifying it was! Felt like a criminal, I did! Suddenly at midnight (https://bit. ly/3mzyaub) Running payroll for a number of clients’ teams, we were, of course, used to setting up bank payments to pay their teams on
the paydate. A new client started a publicly funded project, with 25 new starters. The funding condition of the project was that all had to be straight from being benefit claimants. We ran payroll, it was approved by the client and the bank payments were set to go to the staff on the pay date. The client had many late-night calls from the 25 staff, who had waited at cashpoints assuming that at one minute past midnight they would be able to draw their pay.
Don’t look now (https://bit. ly/3jXIMAQ)
Drag me to hell (https://bit. ly/3ha1frV)
I’d been taught how to calculate statutory maternity pay (SMP) and enter it into the system, so – woohoo – I was a payroll genius! Oh, how I would learn a hard lesson… The ingredients of a young newbie to payroll, an inadequate checking process, and a rush to get the payroll processed in time for pay day, combined to create a disaster. When inputting data the system listed employees alphabetically and allowed tabbing from one to the next. This particular month I had to input SMP for a Mrs X, who (of course) shared her surname with others. My supervisor, who would be taking the
As a very young seventeen-year old office junior I covered various departments. The wages clerk had left to have a baby, so I covered for her. All the operatives on site were weekly paid every Thursday in cash. I had input all the details, ran the reports, balanced the payroll and really felt good. My boss, who was not my biggest fan, was pleasantly surprised at my knowledge and skill and complimented me, which meant so much. Wednesday arrived and I was waiting for the Securicor van to turn up with the cash that I had ordered. Except that I hadn’t! The blood drained out of me as I had to go to my boss to explain my egregious error. I dragged myself to his desk and appraised
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | October 2020 | Issue 64 24
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