WHERE DO THE GO...IN CORK? By Mark Breen (they/them)
That’s when I saw what was underneath the layers of yarn and scrapbooking materials that drove my want to start a craft night, and I recognised it as existing in all of the bookshop and commune ideas as well. It’s the simple desire to exist openly and visibly in community with other queer people. Spaces that allow this do exist in Cork, but how many of them are quiet, and how many of them are specifically for us? In Hannah Gadsby’s 2017 comedy special Nanette, Gadsby describes their first experience seeing queer culture on TV when they watched a pride parade (called “Mardis Gras” in Australia) and asked the innocuous yet elusive question “Where do the quiet gays go?” In fact, they say that they still ask that question and describe how the pressure on queer people to express themselves through partying is “very intense.” While I think we could say that the default mode of celebration in our society, not just the queer side, does tend to overemphasise going out, partying, and drinking alcohol, there’s definitely something to be said for the direct association that exists between being queer and partying. This association on its surface could seem inherent and immutable when left unchallenged, and I’m sure it is the (incorrect) opinion of many people to this day that queer people just like to party no matter what, but you (maybe) and I (definitely) know queer people who do not fit this mould. In her 2024 video essay titled “Where Do The Quiet Gays Go?” YouTuber Rowan Ellis talks about how famous queer spaces like The Stonewall Inn – the site and namesake of the Stonewall Riots – were associated with debaucherous nightlife, and owned and operated by the mafia. Obviously Stonewall’s existence as a truly iconic piece of queer history should never be doubted, but the culture resulting from the larger scene within which it existed can still be pointed to as the foundation for much of modern queer socialising. Back then, these venues were bars because they were run by organised criminal gangs looking to turn a profit, and the community went there because there were no other, safer options. As Rowan Ellis puts it, “However dangerous it seemed to be inside, it was still safer than outside.” So as time went on, it makes sense that those
who socialised in often underground and insalubrious venues became quite attached to them as there was nowhere else where they could openly be themselves. I would be desperate for that space too if I had been growing up there at that time! But now, whether there is as much as there should be or not, there is at least more acceptance of queerness than at the time in history from which this culture emerged.
recommend you to check out any of these groups, or local queer-dedicated hobby groups like Cork Queer Nature Collective or Queer Bike Rides Cork. While I want to celebrate what we do have, I’d like to add one more wrinkle to this discussion. Because while these community groups are wonderful, people have to really put themselves out there to join them. As welcoming as any community is, the active barrier of pushing oneself to go and interact will remain too difficult for some people who would still otherwise like to passively exist in a queer space. So for those people, and the quietest amongst them especially, I’d love to imagine a version of Cork where they don’t have to settle for the loud gay bar, for the LGBTQ+ section in an otherwise “straight” bookshop, or for the café that has a faded rainbow sticker on their front window. I’d love to imagine dedicated spaces with a very low barrier of entry, somewhere that they could visit to simply be quiet and queer – and which could then give them the courage to join (or opportunity to meet someone in) a more active community. It’s simple, and maybe in some people’s eyes, unnecessary. I’ve just talked about the positive spaces we have, so why not be happy with those? Well, because we deserve more. More spaces of all kinds! Quiet and otherwise. I think Cork is doing well and I want it to do even better because we’re no longer on the fringes, scraping the bottom of a barrel just to have a space of any kind for ourselves. We’re 10 years on even from a landmark event like Marriage Equality! As a community, we’re well-established, and I don’t think it’s wrong to want more for ourselves – starting with somewhere dedicated to being quiet and queer.
So, Cork.
I’m happy to say that our little city has plenty of establishments throughout it who proudly include queer flags among their decor, or who even have stickers near their doors designating them as a queer-friendly space. I know that our bookshops have queer sections which are curated by their (often queer) staff, and it’s no secret to my friend groups that the places frequented by more alt crowds are also where the queers like to hang out. In Cork, I’ve thankfully found it easy to be among my own community even in pubs or cafés which aren’t explicitly for us. Yet at the same time, there is that important distinction of being queer-accepting instead of queer-dedicated. When we look for the queer-dedicated spots, we find no cafés, no bookshops, and one bar/ club which is only open for a few nights of the week. If the default for queers is loud clubbing, and even those who enjoy that only get a few nights in one week, then maybe things here really aren’t anywhere near up to scratch. Or maybe we’re looking in the wrong place. Cork’s venues and shops might be lacking in their “dedication to” over “acceptance of” the gays, but a café or shop are not the only places where we can go without alcohol and loud music. Because where Cork does excel is in its queer-dedicated community groups like Gender Rebels, LINQ Ireland, and Gay Project. I won’t spend paragraphs detailing the amazing work done by these groups, but know that each of them is run by dedicated individuals, and their work includes events like game nights, book clubs, plain-old hangouts, and yes, even queer craft nights – my totally original idea which turns out to not be totally original as LINQ runs a regular Queer Crafts event that you should check out! In fact, if you’ve found yourself disillusioned by queer socialising in Cork, I’d
event to attend, or a project to run, or a place to do crafts, but a desire for anywhere to be quiet and queer in Cork. I don’t think of myself as unique in this very specific daydreaming. I’ve had conversations with multiple different friends about a variety of dream scenarios even much larger and unattainable than a queer craft night, but with the same rough shape. Like wanting to open a queer bookshop with all of your favourite authors who you struggle to find elsewhere! Or running a queer friendly café which also welcomes dogs, has a community space, lets people play D&D, and has a whole host of other things going on. And I can’t imagine I’m the only person who has discussed starting a commune with more than one group of friends – if
you’ve done that too, maybe we should link up and collaborate on it because I think that’s how those things are supposed to work? When I probed my craft night idea, it started to somewhat come apart. Much like many of the craft projects I’ve attempted in my life. Where would I do it? I guess wherever will take us! Do people have to bring crafts? No, not if they don’t want to! They could read or draw or just sit and chat. So if it’s not exclusively a craft night, it’s just a meet up. Yeah… Yeah it was just a meet up. The crafts didn’t actually matter, the venue was wherever I could get a space, and all I was doing was adding a perfunctory theme to a proposed hangout night.
I found myself daydreaming recently. Admittedly, a common occurrence for me- but a slightly new topic this time: What if I started a queer craft night in Cork? This article unfortunately won’t be detailing how I went about setting up this theoretical and (as of yet) nonexistent craft night because I’m more of an ideas person than the one to enact them. But it did then lead me to ruminate on something related. This idea was a manifestation of a simpler desire, not necessarily for a regular
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