Westport 54


September 31 st 3014 Last night was the worst. I was doing XanXan shots alone in my room and watching American Idol MXIII on Hulu when I realized I’d forgotten to eat dinner. The thing is, though, you’re not supposed to leave your pod at night, because that’s when the Gorgons do their air strikes. I thought about waiting until morning to eat, but my stomach was, like, literally rumbling. And so eventually, I was, like, forget it, I’m getting a Nutrigrain bar. So I put on my suit and floated down the hall, but when I got to the vending ma- chine, they were out of blueberry, which is the only kind I like, and all they had was strawberry, which tastes like straight ass. And this was just, like, the last straw. So I called up Derek and he picked up, but he was acting really weird. And I heard voices in the background. And I was, like, “Are you at a party?” And he was, like, “No, I’m just hanging out with some people.” And I heard some girls laughing, and I was like, “Are there girls there?” And he was, like, “There are a lot of people here.” And I was, like, “I thought you said it wasn’t a party.” And he was, like, “It’s not a party.” So Narvia came by and was, like, “You must stay within your pod. The Gorgons are attacking.”

Anyway, yesterday morning I sent Derek a text to be, like, “I’m freaking out about the quiz,” and I figured he would just ignore it, as usual. But he wrote back right away, saying, “you’ll do fine,” and I was, like, oh my God, that’s so Derek. Just when I think he’s a total jerk, he’ll do something that’s freaking amazing and I’ll remember how much we love each other. In a way I think that this long distance thing is a good test for us, because if we can get through it, it means we were really meant for each other. Anyway, I was so relieved that things with Derek were finally good again that I signed up for one of the optional culture trips. We went to Titan, which is like the biggest moon. It’s sort of cool, because it has all these underground rivers. But when I tried to text a picture to Derek there was no reception. Like, none . So I complained to Narvia, who’s, like, the alien lady who runs the program. And I was like, “I don’t want to be rude, but in the brochure it said there would be reception and I’m, like, trying to make long distance work with my boyfriend Derek and there’s no reception.” She tried to fix my phone by zapping it with her eyes, and it helped a little, but not really. And at this point, I was sort of freaking out, because even though Derek can be a total jerk, I love him

unconditionally, and I, like, for real want to have babies with him someday, and that’s, like, actu- ally something I think about, and I don’t want it all to end just because of my stupid phone. So I was, like, “Narvia, what’s going on with the reception?” And she explained that a war had started that morning between the Narvians (her tribe) and the Gorgons (who live on some other moon). It’s complicated, but basically, when they have their battles, or whatever, it screws up reception. So I was, like, “I know it’s not your fault, or whatever, but I just want you to be aware that there isn’t reception.” September 30 th 3014 So the quiz went okay, but I think I screwed up the last part because I was having trouble concentrating. Narvia made us turn off our phones for the quiz, so the whole time all I could think about was Derek and whether or not he was trying to get through to me. Also, I was real- ly, really hungry. That’s the one complaint I have about semester abroad: I’m interested in other cultures, and that’s why I came to Saturn, is to experience new things, but I’m sorry, the food here is ass. The Narvians don’t eat meat, because

And I was, like, “Listen, I know this isn’t your fault, and I don’t want to be rude, but in the brochure it said there’d be nightlife and there isn’t any nightlife, like, at all.” And she apologized and said that the war had escalated, and that the Gorgons had started enslaving and torturing the Narvians, and because of her antenna, or whatever, she could physically feel it when her fellow Narvians were being tortured, because that’s how her species has evolved. And I was, like, whoa, too much information, but of course I didn’t say that, because I didn’t want to be disrespectful of her culture. So anyway she made me go back inside my pod, but by that point, Derek wasn’t picking up his phone.

they believe everything has “a common soul,” and I respect that, or what- ever. But the fruits and vegetables here are totally weird. All they have in the cafeteria are these purple star-shaped thingies and these giant petals from different flowers. There’s one vending machine in the hallway that has Nutrigrain bars and that’s what I’ve been living on this whole time. Also, there’s no beer, only XanXan, which is made out of flowers (like everything here). I’ve tried it, and it’s actually not horrible, but it makes you really hungover. I usually only drink on Thursdays, Fridays and Sat- urdays, and it’s a Tuesday, but the quiz was so stressful and things with Derek are so weird that I think I’m going to make an exception.


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