Food & Drink RANTS
Demi-Glace on My Sweatpants What happens when every restaurant in the US stops asking us to maybe dress up a little?
BY TROY JOHNSON
T
he man in the tuxedo is staring at me. He is polished, emotionless. I am a fraud, and both he and I know it. It won’t be long before he escorts me by my shirt collar to the parking lot, where I’ll be forced to hand-wash the quality autos of the true dignitaries in this dining room. My suit is a decade removed from current fashions, and one or two sizes too large. Diners speak in hushed, secretive tones, as if someone’s grandma has passed. My hands and arms—parts of me that I usually spend zero conscious thought on—seem conspicuous, out of place, awkward. I fold them in front of me on the table, but that makes me think of Jesus and the things I’ve done to disappoint him. So I put them in my lap and clear my throat. No good reason for the throat-clearing, really. I just wanted to make noise and be part of the conversation without actually talking. Because talking would reveal that I don’t have the conversational skills required in a well-carpeted place like this. All this before bread arrives. Tuxedo man approaches, pulls out what appears to be a barber’s shaving blade or high-quality prison shank, and removes the crumbs from my place at the table. Shame has entered the chat. I just really want a pizza. Or ramen. Or a ramen pizza. Something cheap and easy, eaten on soft furniture or in a park. That’s my first memory of dining at Mister A’s on my stepmom’s birthday in 1980. I was seven. Dad took us, and the whole thing felt like a kind of church service. Now, decades later, I still love using my jeans as napkins while scarfing tacos. But I learned to love Mister A’s. To respect it for holding me—wrinkled, uncombed, flip-floppish me—to a more ambitious standard for a night out. Today, Michelin-star chefs are used to serving schleps in flops. Dressing up for dinner has been
Fear the day when one looks around Mister A’s and sees not starched blazers but a sea of graphic tees.
26
JULY 2023
Made with FlippingBook interactive PDF creator