A few years back I accidentally caught sight of myself in the full-length mirror in my bedroom. I had to look again. Who was that bloated, aging woman with several chins and greying hair? I took a layer of dust off the mirror, convinced that once sparkling, the glass would show the real me. But no, I looked tired, drained, and old. I felt winded at the sight of myself, the early fifties, yet in my head - twenty-five if I was a day. I could see my running shoes, silver, with a Nike tick, bought in a sale in a fit of enthusiasm, still in their box at the bottom of the wardrobe. Who was I kidding? I was anxious, not sleeping, and couldn’t think about running, and I felt a sense of desperation at the thought of washing my hair. What I could do? Strict diet maybe? - tried that, and the weight went back on). Have botox? Mmm, didn’t fit with my ‘natural’ approach, and I wanted to smile. Find a boot camp and start a fitness regime. joking right? It suddenly hit me, I was terrified of getting old, it was all going south, I didn’t like it and I couldn’t think of a thing to look forward to. Something was off. Since writing my first book fifteen years ago I had been on a mission to inspire everyone to live more holistically, eat well, eschew chemicals and practice mindfulness, enjoy therapeutic techniques and focus on self-love. Was I walking my talk? Well, you wouldn’t find me putting anything on my skin that I couldn’t eat,I bought organic food, juiced regularly, did yoga, and had all manner of treatments, from EFT, TFT, and NLP (perhaps I needed ABC) but it was all while I was shimmying around the great big elephant in the room – Alcohol. You see I loved my nightly glass (or two or three) of wine, I was fully functioning, never had a DUI, never missed a day off work, I just drank most days…doesn’t everyone? But I had no ‘off switch’! There was no rock bottom moment, I was what’s known as ‘high functioning’ – ‘high bottomed’ (sadly not true for a woman my age!)
Now I am 4 years and 5 months sober, I am absolutely staggered that I didn’t make the connection between just how awful I was feeling and the amount I was drinking. I thought I was just ‘normal’, everyone drank – right? I assumed everyone my age had similar issues. I would wake at 3 a.m. almost without fail, heart racing, berating myself for yet again drinking too much, I would be sweating profusely (drinking can increase your heart rate and widen blood vessels in the skin so increases perspiration) I would hear a voice telling me ‘This has to stop’ It’s not authentic with who you are. You care about your health and practice self-care, Stop poisoning your body with alcohol!’ but by 6 p.m. the next evening, a much chirpier voice arrived. The ‘wine witch’ said ’You’ve had an exhausting day, time for a cheeky chilled Sauvignon…You might give up? Don’t be ridiculous!Sober – anagram of Bores!Everyone is drinking! You can just have one! Alcohol is so ingrained in our culture. From playdates, parties, weddings, fresher’s week, and funerals – From celebrations to commiserations, alcohol is the ‘social glue’ that sticks everything together. We have been brainwashed into thinking we are either ‘good drinkers’ or alcoholic losers. Clearly, there are rock bottom drunks who have a serious issue, and the rest of us – happy social drinkers – are occasionally lightweights who just can’t hold their beer. In truth it’s a spectrum, there are many ‘grey area drinkers’ I’d suggest there are at least 50 shades of grey – but sadly not so sexy!. Let’s not sugar coat it, Alcohol is responsible for 200 different illnesses, including cancer, and it’s notably terrible for exacerbating menopausal symptoms.I wasn’t sure how to stop drinking, it was such an ingrained habit, and I was worried about what others might say, whether I’d be ridiculed, ‘sober shamed’, rather than congratulated for the sober badass I really was!
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