SURRENDER to change
Maria MacKenty
I remember when I surrendered to addiction. I had wanted to stop drinking for a very long time but did not know how to. I did not know how to get past the daily deluge of obsession and craving. I learned that if I wanted to live differently, I had to live differently. I had to change my approach to many, many things. I had to get honest about who I was and what I wanted. But before I could get honest about that, I had to learn for myself what that was. It did not happen over night. And it is still happening today.
II changed my approach to health and well-being. I learned to eat well, get adequate sleep, and exercise in a healthy way. I started therapy and became acquainted with my emotional landscape. I learned to make and take time every day for self-care and now I live by the adage “put your own oxygen mask first”.I cannot be of help to anyone else if I am not taking care of myself. I changed my approach to socializing. I couldn’t continue hanging out in places that were centered around drinking, or with friends with whom drinking was our primary bond. I needed to build sober muscle before alcohol didn’t feel triggering. It doesn’t bother me much today, but if I am in consecutive boozy situations I find myself getting weary and in need of a break. It’s not so much the booze, but the effect of the booze on those that I’m with that I grow tired of. I changed my approach to relaxing. Now might relax by going for a bike ride, or taking a walk, taking a bath,
So what did I change?
I changed my approach to work. I had to prioritize my recovery and be sure that I didn’t let work interfere with my need for sober connection. I had to make sure that I didn’t work too much and get exhausted - that my energy tank wasn’t so low that I would push the fuck it button.
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