The Challenge and Magic of New - A Reboot By Heather Lowe
The promise of a new school year has a freshness to it that rivals January. September is the real start of the new year for me. It is a freeing idea, that we can start again. We are brand new in every moment, never the same as we were in the moment before. This gives us the freedom to evolve and change. We are not stuck in our past. What is done is done. We must let go of the past to make progress on our today. September, to me, is the most obvious universal invitation to begin again. The fall season teaches us how beautiful it can be to allow ourselves to change and let go of the things from our yesterdays that hold us back. The leaves on the trees vibrantly shift their colors before their ultimate release. It is ok to unplug, release, and then plug in again. September is a great time to restart ourselves. My sobriety journey had many Day Ones. New beginnings started with gusto. I had a million false starts only to fall back into old patterns and habits hours later. It is true for my clients too. When we wake up with the hangover shame sweats, we swear this is the last time. Again. We are determined at that moment to do something different today. We end up going about our day managing and tolerating our life. By day’s end, the familiar craving goes from a whisper to a shout. We wrestle with our conflicted minds, for only a brief moment, before giving in to our craving. Our ”just one drink.” Our repeated internal conversation: “this time will be different.” It never is, and we know this. Alcohol has hijacked our brain; we don’t want to admit that, and we hold hope again for a different wake-up tomorrow morning. Even after engaging in the exact same behavior the evening before.
We want to quit drinking. Of course, we do. But when it doesn’t come easily and we realize it takes more effort, we quickly fall back on what we know. We dismiss the alarming fact that alcohol has a bigger hold on us than we want it to. The easiest cure for avoidance, is of course, to pour a drink on it. Another day of doing nothing different would be a great failure, but we have pre-protected ourselves. We didn’t tell anyone our plan. We kept it a secret attempt, visible to no one, but us. We didn't throw the kitchen sink at our sobriety. We didn’t put a plan in place. We just half-assed considered maybe trying to let it go, only to dismiss our own audacity hours later when the fog and panic of a hangover disappeared. The only person we have disappointed is ourselves, whom we treat like no one at all. We act as if we never even intended on doing anything different. If we were the only person who knew we were not going to drink today, does it even count as a real attempt? We dismiss our own intentions. We soothe ourselves by saying it doesn’t really matter. We tell ourselves it’s not that bad.
The great stoic Epictetus in Discourses, 2.19.29-34 shares:
“I am your teacher and you are learning in my school. My aim is to bring you to completion, unhindered, free from compulsive behavior, unrestrained, without shame, free, flourishing, and happy, looking to God in things great and small - your aim is to learn and diligently practice these things. Why then don’t you complete the work, if you have the right aim and I have both the right aim and the right preparation? What is missing?...
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