I began to awake deserted As things grew more abusive, Panicked with no memory, Counting fresh, confusing bruises. People began to question us, I questioned them in return. Whatever stood between us, I placed outside to burn. You’d become my dark lie, My forbidden, secret lover. Extreme lengths I went To sneak, conceal and cover. All those tiny lies Left me detached, disconnected; A thousand tiny paper cuts, Stinging and infected. My desire for you kept growing, Too much was never enough. Despite plans to control you, You always called my bluff. I starved myself for you, Kept body small; You were my great reward Every long-awaited nightfall. Your wings became chains, Making me stumble and fall. But till the end I protected you, The sickest twist of all. You stole hours and whole days, Kidnapped my ambition; You robbed me of self-respect, Altered me beyond recognition. Our most tragic nights together, Encased in permanent regret. Moments I will never remember Loved ones will never forget. But I couldn’t learn to rise Till I’d hit my lowest floor, Admitted I was powerless, Surrendered that third door. With bloodied hands and shaking legs I inch upward in my climb; My eyes adjust with every step, One day at a time. E N O U G H
There was no turning back From that first time we met. A doomed, primal passion Impossible to forget. You touched my lips, I fell under your spell; A thirst I’d never known Became one I’d never quell. Falling was effortless, Life around us bloomed. The girl I’d longed to be Emerged from her cocoon. You Filtered my flaws, Filled my voids, Fixed my broken and raw. I swigged your magic potion, Turned wanted, wild, included. Life I’d known before you Suddenly beige, dim, diluted. The mere thought of you Left me intoxicated, untamed; A hard rush of poison love Dancing through my veins. Your elixir kept its promises, Made me witty and intellectual; With judgment and boundaries erased, Free to be unbridled and sexual.
I feel your death grip loosening, Now a single, dangling cuff. This is the end for you and me, I’ve finally had enough. I need you to know I now see through your lies; I won’t forget what we once had, But there will be no reprise. To live I must move on, But first I must grieve. A genuine pain I will honor For your ghost to finally leave.
I am willing to breathe, I am willing to mourn,
I cannot rush these painful steps As my delicate new life is reborn.
I am enough without you, I will walk from this fiery crash. With each step I am more certain I will rise from our smoke and ash.
You began as an accessory Something extra I could adorn,
A piece I could remove, Still a choice to be worn.
Then you became garments, Layers I felt naked without.
Stripped and exposed while sober, Cloaked in oppressive self-doubt.
Eventually, I wore you like armor, Nothing in, nothing out. Steel plates of numbing isolation To the point of blackout. You were my faithful companion, Cheating me night after night; My eyes refused to see the truth, You’d already stolen my sight. .
BY JENNIFER BRIDGMAN
Made with FlippingBook - Online magazine maker