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The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 DECEMBER | 2022
TAKE PARENTING ADVICE AT YOUR OWN RISK DEBUNKING 4 COMMON PARENTING MYTHS
Plenty of information is available to parents looking for the best way to raise their children. You can read parenting books, ask for advice from other parents, and find an overabundance of information on the internet. But how do you know which information to trust? It’s hard to know, especially when the “correct” way to raise children is constantly evolving and changing. All kids are different, and there’s no tried-and-true way to raise children. That being said, there are parenting tips out there that are simply untrue. Here are four common parenting myths that have been debunked. If your children aren’t happy, something is wrong with your parenting. As parents, we want nothing more than for our children to be happy. Expecting them to be happy all the time is simply unrealistic, though. Our kids are human, so it’s perfectly normal for them to experience their fair share of ups and downs. They are going to have situations that impact them negatively, whether they happen at school or home. When your child is sad, upset, or unhappy, it does not reflect your parenting skills. They are just living a healthy life full of regular human emotions. Parents should never tell their kids “no.” Refusing to deny your kids’ requests is a common parenting trend that developed over the past decade. Millennials and Gen Z parents who grew up in strict and restrictive households want to break with tradition, to raise their children in a more positive environment. Some have gone so far as refusing to tell their children
“no.” This is certainly a myth, as there’s nothing wrong with telling your children “no” when they make an outrageous or unreasonable
request. Telling them “no” will instill essential life skills while helping them grow up safely. If you say yes to every request, your children will soon take control of the situation and see how far they can take it. Bad behavior requires strict punishments. Every bad behavior deserves an equal response, right? That’s not necessarily true. It really depends on how you set up the situation. You need to establish a firm set of ground rules with your children. If you don’t have ground rules, you can’t reasonably punish your kids for wrongdoings. If they didn’t know their action was wrong, they weren’t truly misbehaving. Use these situations as learning experiences. Explain to your children why behavior is inappropriate rather than jumping straight into punishment. Always trust your instincts when parenting. Nobody knows your child as well as you do, but that doesn’t mean your instincts are 100% accurate. Your child is a unique person who may need something different than what your instincts tell you. Listen to what they say and look for their reactions to see how they handle the situation. Furthermore, when you take them in for medical care, listen to their medical provider’s advice. Your instincts might tell you that something is more or less severe than the doctor says, but a medical provider will know best when something is wrong. If your instincts disagree with the doctor’s assessment, get a second opinion. Pediatricians, teachers, and other professionals who work with children are well-trained, and their advice should not be ignored in favor of your own. There are a lot of myths regarding parenting. Before following new advice, do your research to see if the trending parenting techniques have been disproven or debunked. There’s little you can do wrong as long as you keep the focus on your kids and try to provide them with the best opportunities for a successful and fulfilling life. —John Bledsoe
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INTUITIVE EATING: THE ANTI-DIET FOR THE HOLIDAYS
What It Is and How You Can Benefit
What are the benefits of eating this way? Intuitive eating isn’t about weight loss, although some people who practice it do shed pounds. Instead, many articles point to other benefits like increased respect for your body, less stress and guilt around food, and even a better understanding of your emotions. Ultimately, practitioners of this anti-diet claim to find more joy in eating than before. How can I learn more? Intuitive eating is based on 10 principles, including “honor your hunger” and “feel your fullness.” You can read about them at Health. ClevelandClinic.org/what-is-intuitive-eating or pick up a copy of the 1995 book that started it all: “Intuitive Eating” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, two health professionals who specialize in nutrition and eating disorders. Intuitive eating is an “anti-diet” for every age and body type. It may be just the strategy you need to heal your relationships with food and get more joy out of the holiday season.
If you’ve ever seen any “What I Eat in a Day” videos on TikTok or Instagram, you’ve probably come across the hashtag #intuitiveeating. It pops up under posts ranging from snapshots of green smoothies to reels of influencers sprinkling cheese over giant bowls of pasta. If you’re not familiar with the term, you probably have a few big questions. What is intuitive eating, and why is it considered an ‘anti-diet’? At its core, intuitive eating is simply giving your body the food it needs in a mindful way. As psychologist Dr. Susan Albers explained in an interview with the Cleveland Clinic, “Intuitive eating is the polar opposite of dieting. Instead of following rules and restricting what you eat, you trust your internal hunger, fullness, and satiety cues to help you decide what and how much to eat. No food is off the table.” This means you won’t catch an intuitive eater counting calories, talking about cheat days, or staring longingly at a doughnut they want but just can’t have. Instead, you might see them slowly savoring their food and pausing between bites to decide whether or not they’re full.
COPING WITH NARCISSISTIC ABUSE AT CHRISTMAS
TACTICS TO WATCH FOR
Narcissistic abuse is a year-round phenomenon, but the holiday season can be especially dreadful for those on the receiving end. Holidays can trigger the worst in narcissists, as they can create circumstances that give them the perfect opportunity to engage in abuse tactics. Because the holidays are ostensibly about values like love, tradition, caring for the less fortunate, and creating magical childhood experiences, narcissists may find themselves sorely lacking the attention they crave. Holiday gatherings and family plans can become a stage for narcissists to engage in all sorts of power plays and shenanigans.
ways by a narcissist. The mother or father will buy excessive presents as a parental alienation tactic to show up their coparent. They may gift exercise equipment or overly large (or small) clothing to trigger body image concerns and hurt feelings. They’ll give insensitive, thoughtless, or cruel gag gifts. Some narcissists will even go so far as purchasing a Christmas puppy on a whim that inevitably ends up in a shelter weeks later. It’s downright evil how narcissists can take something that’s supposed to be wholesome and poison it. Ruining the Most Special Days It's one thing to deal with a typical narcissistic abuse tactic on any given day of the year, but having your Christmas morning ruined by a person acting out is exceedingly terrible. The narcissist loves to play games like singling out someone for cold, cruel treatment on the sly while turning up the charm with everyone
else. They isolate them and ensure they aren’t supported if they try to call out the narcissist.
You don’t have to let a narcissist steal your holiday cheer. You can make plans without them or learn to detach yourself so they can’t elicit a reaction from you. If children are involved, strategize for them, and create a backup plan so the holidays remain magical. We specialize in helping clients with divorce and family law matters complicated by gaslighting, narcissism, bipolar disorder, and other psychological challenges. Call our office today to see how we can help you.
Here are a few things you can expect from narcissists during the holiday season.
Weaponized Gift-Giving Gift-giving can be weaponized in countless
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W ord S earch Celebration Decoration Family Gathering Gingerbread
What’s the Difference? California provides couples with numerous options for legally ending a romantic relationship. Divorce, legal separation, and annulment are the most common ways a relationship concludes under California law. Understanding the distinction in these processes can be challenging, but we’re here to help. Below, you will find brief descriptions to help you better understand the difference between these legal remedies. Divorce If you are contemplating the end of a marriage, divorce is likely the word that comes to mind. Divorce in California is the legal and finalized end of a marriage or domestic partnership. After an Orange County divorce lawyer helps you through this process, you are legally unmarried and free to marry another individual if you wish. Divorce is a difficult process that requires spouses to divide finances, housing, shared business assets, and even child custody. California is a no-fault divorce state, so the spouse requesting an end to the marriage doesn’t need to provide a reason or evidence of wrongdoing. Legal Separation Legal separation is an alternative to divorce in California but does not legally end a marriage. Spouses in a legal separation can’t marry someone else or enter a domestic partnership with anyone else. To facilitate a legal separation, both spouses are parties to a separation agreement. The terms of a separation agreement may include conditions for living arrangements, agreement over child care and custody, visitation rights, and division of property. An Orange County divorce or family law lawyer can help draft, review, and negotiate this agreement on your behalf. A separation agreement is a binding legal contract, and both spouses must follow the terms stated in the document. Breach of a separation agreement can have serious repercussions, particularly if stated in the terms of the agreement. Annulment The outcome of the annulment process recognizes that the marriage or partnership was never valid or enforceable. Therefore, a divorce court in California declares the relationship void. Annulment in California is only appropriate in specific circumstances, making it an impossible option for many married couples. Some examples of couples who would qualify for annulment include spouses who married under the age of 18 without parental consent, or if one or both spouses were legally married to another person when the marriage or domestic partnership was formed. DIVORCE, LEGAL SEPARATION, AND ANNULMENT
Hearth Holiday Icicle Midnight
Mittens Present Roots
NO-BAKE PEANUT BUTTER SNOWBALLS
INGREDIENTS
• • • •
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
3 tbsp softened butter
1 lb white chocolate candy coating
DIRECTIONS
1. Line a cookie sheet with parchment or wax paper. 2. In a medium bowl, combine powdered sugar, peanut butter, and softened butter. Mix until evenly combined. 3. Shape the mixture into 1-inch balls and place them on the lined cookie sheet. Chill in the refrigerator for 30 minutes or until firm. 4. In a microwave-safe bowl, melt white chocolate candy coating in increments of 30 seconds, stirring occasionally until smooth. 5. In the same bowl, use skewers to dip peanut butter balls into the chocolate before placing them on a lined cookie sheet so they can harden. 6. Chill until ready and then serve!
Inspired by TheFoodieAffair.com
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Inside
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Debunking Common Parenting Myths
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This ‘Anti-Diet’ Could Save Christmas Dealing With a Narcissist During Christmas
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The Difference Between Divorce, Legal Separation, and Annulment No-Bake Peanut Butter Snowballs
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Being Home Alone Isn’t Like the Movie
HOME ALONE — IS YOUR CHILD READY? CONSIDER THESE DETAILS FIRST
Deciding if your child is ready to stay home alone is an important milestone every parent will face. It’s natural for a parent to worry when leaving their kids unsupervised. Although this concern will never fade away completely, you can prepare yourself and your children for this day with some planning. Child’s Age: Do you believe your child is mature enough to stay home alone? Will they be able to care for themselves and their younger siblings? Can they respond to an emergency? There isn’t a set age when children are ready to be home by themselves. It depends on your judgment and whether you’ve seen signs your child is prepared for that responsibility. • Important things you should consider: • How Long You’ll Be Gone: Will you be out of the house for a couple of hours or all day? For the first time leaving your child alone, you only want to be gone for a few hours. This will help you see if they are ready to take on this responsibility and how they feel about being alone. • Safety Awareness: Would your child remember and follow the safety rules? Can they make good judgment calls on their own? Do they
have common sense? Establish clear ground rules to keep them safe and trust they will follow those rules.
So, you’ve asked your child if they feel comfortable being home alone, and they say yes. Here’s what you can do to prepare your child for this new experience and responsibility. • Leave Emergency Contacts: Write down your and your spouse’s cell and work numbers in case your child needs to contact either of you. You can also list out other relatives they can contact if needed. Keep this list somewhere where it’s easily accessible such as the refrigerator. • Plan for “What if” Scenarios: Inform your child about what to do if there is a fire, storm, medical issue, or a stranger comes to the door. Make sure they understand the solutions and can follow them without question. Also, leave an emergency first-aid kit with them. Don’t worry; their experience won’t be like Kevin McCallister’s experience in the famous Christmas comedy “Home Alone.” By communicating with your adolescent and preparing properly, they are one step closer to fulfilling new responsibilities and taking the first step into adulthood.
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