Creating a Sense of Home for Foster and Adopted Children BY RACHAEL MOSHMAN, M.ED. W . elcoming a new child into your family is a profound moment—beautiful, yes, but whirlwind welcome into a completely new life. we would need to adjust, too. Parenting a child who has experienced trauma requires more than love. It requires rewiring your expectations, tools, and timelines.
16 COLORADO PARENT NOVEMBER 2025 My daughter entered foster care at age four and moved more than a dozen times before we adopted her at nine. We met her on a Monday. By Friday, she had flown across the country to live with us—a often overwhelming. When the child arrives through foster care or adoption, the emotional terrain becomes even more layered. The child has already endured at least one major separation and, quite possibly, many more. They arrive carrying invisible bags of fear, uncertainty, grief, and survival strategies. And let’s be real: The adults are often carrying their own bags, too.
We had six months of preparation, training, and waiting while the interstate paperwork slowly crawled through the system. But she didn’t have that runway. She didn’t know we existed until a few days before our arrival. In less than a week, she had a new home, state, school, and parents with barely time to catch her breath. Even though we thought we were ready, the reality was far messier and more emotional than expected. We understood, intellectually, that she would need time to adjust, but we weren’t fully prepared for how much
Nancy Mehesy, a therapist who has supported countless foster and adoptive families, shared some hard-earned wisdom that helped ground us, and continues to help the families I support today. 1. Lower Your Expectations. Then Lower Them Again. “Foster and adoptive families often bring big hearts and high hopes,” Nancy says. “But they’re frequently caught off guard when children don’t respond with gratitude or immediate attachment. These kids are
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