THE DINNER CONVERSATIONS RARELY COME AROUND TO PUTTING.
guide will wait in the shadows with the sole duty of paying the cheque. A word about hotel check-ins: No need. Part of the deal with paying this kind of money is that you never wait for anything, ever. After being served your greeting mocktail at the reception lobby, sim- ply follow your personal concierge who has the key to your room. You will always find a gift on your pil- low, robe and slippers, a top-shelf espresso machine and a basket of local fruits with a silverware setting. Your luggage will be brought up shortly, and your golf clubs are in transit to whichever course you’re play- ing tomorrow. If it’s the Australian Club, know that gentlemen aren’t to wear socks that reveal the ankles. After a nice, dry Riesling and luncheon, you’ll find your clubs on a cart by the range. One of the promises on these trips is that you never lift your golf bag. Some members with trundlers (Aussie for “push-cart”) might shoot you sideways looks, but a good thing to be in life is un-embarrassable. Lest you ever need a reminder, glance down at your tour-issued nametag. So what if we’re all riding at a walking course? Kalos Golf has found its American clientele mostly prefers to ride and at certain courses in Italy will even truck in carts in advance. My golf buddies couldn’t believe I was flying all the way to Australia and not going to Melbourne, home of the famous sand-belt courses. Kalos offers itiner- aries that include Melbourne, but it’s important to understand golf is not the sole driver on these trips geared towards couples. When half-days or off-days are spent on history tours or classes, the dinner con- versations rarely come around to putting. As a golf sicko who has only ever crammed in as many rounds as possible while travelling, I must admit, dialling it back is a good way to go. For instance, the last place I would ever visit on a golf trip is a zoo, which I as- sociate with suicidal animals, melted ice cream and tantrums. But after a VIP tour of Taronga Zoo with “special koala access” in the company of my new high-net-worth pals, any tee shot I sailed thereaf- ter into the uniquely evolved flora and fauna of the island-continent felt enriched. As the zookeeper re- marked about koala claws and wallaby kicks, “People go on about our snakes and lizards, but it’s our furry friends you need to worry about.” New South Wales Golf Club, No 23 in the Golf Di-
GOLF DIGEST SOUTH AFRICA 125
MAY 2026
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