The Person in the Pew
Cynthia Chiarello, L.S.W.
We assume you are reading this booklet because you would like to know how you, too, could support a person on the autism spectrum or a family with a child on the autism spectrum. Maybe your church already offers special classes or assistance for people with autism. However, if our churches stay at the level of cheerful volunteerism through engaged programming, it is still possible to avoid genuine relationship. Your desire to seek a relationship is a blessing in itself and the place to begin.
It is normal to feel helpless or nervous about interacting with a person with autism. Families do not expect you to be an expert, they sometimes need a friend or just a little help and for this, you need only two skills: being a listener and being available.
“Valuing the participation of the child over the ‘performance’ may require you to welcome the unexpected, but can provide a memorable experience that truly communicates ‘sanctuary’ to the larger community.”
People choose to refer to the autism spectrum in different ways. You may hear someone discuss their family member’s diagnosis as PDD-NOS, autism, autism spectrum, Asperger’s, or autistic. By listening for the terminology that the family chooses to use when referring to the diagnosis, and following the lead of the adult and the parent, you will demonstrate sensitivity and lay the foundation for trust and relationship. Say hello to the individual who has autism. Wait that extra few beats for them to respond. Be understanding when he or she does not or cannot reply, and one day he or she might surprise you. Children with autism learn, grow, and change like all children. Families of children with autism have made an enormous effort to attend worship. There is often tension in doing so, which can
interfere with their ability to socialize after services with other families. A kind word acknowledging their efforts will provide encouragement and strength to persevere. Perhaps you could also offer to call them during the week at a time that would be better for them, and when you do call, consider offering to pray for or with them. Involve individuals and their families in the functions of the church. They also feel blessed in giving and participating. Include the child in special events and programs, and discuss with the parents how this can be achieved. Valuing the participation of the child over the ‘performance’ may require you to welcome the unexpected, but can provide a memorable experience that truly communicates ‘sanctuary’ to the larger community. All modern families juggle many activities in their schedule. Families with an autistic child often are also dealing with speech, occupational therapy appointments, tutoring, doctor’s appointments, special education meetings, and filling out insurance and other paperwork. Perhaps there is
CC, Fanwood, NJ “We attend a large church. Our child has been supported from the first day with a ‘shadow’ during Sunday school classes. Getting to know other families in the church, however, has been hard. Because our child experiences sensory overload, we head straight for the car and often are not able to mingle in the halls like other families. However, one family has gone out of its way to show love and support to our family. When our other child was injured and hospitalized, Bev, who works full-time, offered to baby-sit as we went back and forth to the hospital. Most significantly, our autistic child has been invited to their child’s birthday parties for the last four years. We feel so blessed that our daughter has the opportunity to attend a ‘neurotypical’ party, and have witnessed her progress socially as each year has served as practice for the next.”
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A Journey Into Community
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