Open the Door Linda Walder Fiddle, Esq.
In 1993, when my son, Danny, was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (that I later learned meant he was autistic), my first thought was not to run to my local synagogue for support. Perhaps this was in part due to my own religious upbringing, which amounted to attending High Holiday services and various life cycle events of friends and family members. Indeed throughout my adult life, I had rarely sought out support or participated in a faith community. Thus, when confronted with Danny’s autism, I did what I always did: I organized a plan of action. That plan included finding an appropriate school, therapists and doctors and although I was propelled by my own sense of faith, the plan did not include joining a faith community. When I reflect back now I realize that the reason I did not look to my faith community for support was that I just couldn’t deal with the possibility of rejection. Quite frankly it was challenging enough to navigate the daily routines that required tremendous planning due to Danny’s unpredictable and frenetic behaviors and I did not feel at all that he could handle the requirements of religious worship. My defensiveness and protectiveness fueled the notion that if Danny would not be welcomed, the rest of the family would not be welcomed either. And so, our family never joined any faith community of any kind. There were times, however, that I peered through the peephole of the door to my faith community but always my fears, real or imagined, kept me from opening it. And because I did not open the door, I did not know what was behind it and what I was missing. A caring friend would call me from time to time to invite me in and finally, after many excuses, I joined her for Shabbat dinner and services. Gradually, I realized that I was not dishonoring my son if I sought the comfort and support of my religious community. In fact, through my own involvement and knowledge I could create a path to honor him as well as opportunities to include others who, like me, stood at the door but could not open it. It is my hope and prayer that whether you are a parent of a child with autism, an adult with autism, a mother, a father, a sister, brother, aunt, uncle or friend of someone with autism that you will read this book and find ways that you can open the door to your faith community. Bring it to your clergy, your lay leaders and your teachers to read so that they can help you open the door. You and they will never know what has been missing until that door is opened.
Linda Walder Fiddle, Esq., is Executive Director of The Daniel Jordan Fiddle Foundation and a member of the Board of Trustees of COSAC. Ms. Walder Fiddle is a member of the NJ Adults with Autism Task Force and a member of the Board of Trustees of The Barnert Temple in Franklin Lakes, NJ.
“When I reflect back now I realize that the reason I did not look to my faith community for support was that I just couldn’t deal with the possibility of rejection. My defensiveness and protectiveness fueled the notion that if Danny would not be welcomed, the rest of the family would not be welcomed either.”
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A Journey Into Community
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